Origin Story Omake
by Steve2
Summary: Xander is now Alex. And Alex is a woman. A super powered woman in fact. What does Mr. Black think of this? Or Henchgirl? Or the Doctor? Or Iron Man, Hulk, or even Doctor Strange? Or even... Destiny.
1. Introduction

Introduction

 **Author's Note:**

This is a work of fiction. There will be swearing. No sex, because I really don't want to write that and prefer jokes instead. I don't own DC, its characters or its stories. I don't own Marvel, its characters or its stories. I don't own Harry Potter, its characters, or its stories. I don't own Buffy the Vampire Slayer, its characters, or its stories. I planned on having this posted months ago, but real life and real life problems delayed this.

 **Introduction:**

In 2005, the author Rorschach's Blot created the story: Make a Wish. This story was how Harry Potter became the infamous Mr. Black, an allegedly 10,000 year-old wizard who enjoyed wiping out wanna-be dark lords as a hobby. Characters introduced in here included: The Doctor, The Professor, and Henchgirl. In 2006, he followed that story up with: The Hunt for Harry Potter, in which Mr. Black's legend grew even bigger.

During this time and after it as well, other writers were inspired by this character and began writing different stories of Mr. Black. Some stories had Mr. Black meeting people from TV shows like: Stargate, Naruto, and Ranma. Others had him meeting Buffy the Vampire Slayer. One such story had Mr. Black meeting and interacting with Xander Harris, aka: one of Buffy's sidekicks. In that story, Mr. Black became a brother to Xander.

Most stories were short, and a few long. One of the longer stories was: Terminal Justice by the author Overkill, aka: Irrational Intelligence. In this story, Mr. Black was accidentally sent by one of the Professor's inventions to one of the many DC Universes and through a lot of convoluted logic and pure good luck, Mr. Black became known as Joe Black, aka, the Grim Reaper himself by all the heroes on that planet. And, to be fair, by all the villains on that planet as well.

Now unlike other stories where the idea of Mr. Black being the Grim Reaper was played with but not really embraced, the Grim Reaper idea in Terminal Justice really stuck with the overall Mr. Black character. And instead of Joe Black being simply _considered_ the embodiment of death (i.e., a guy who simply kills a lot of people), Joe actually _becomes_ one of the Deaths of the multiverse.

In fact, as Mr. Black became Death, he was officially brought into the Bonehead Union by Teleute, better known as: Death of the Endless. Joe learned what it was like to be a Death, and what his role was. And by and large, he was okay with it. This story also brought into play a love interest in Kara Kent, aka: Supergirl who is now of legal age. It also had Darkseid and scores of parademons invading Earth. More heroes came through the bleed to defeat the parademons, including Mr. Black's family which included Mr. Blue, aka: Xander Harris. While Joe Black was Death, Xander was considered the embodiment of War. And again, through scores of misunderstandings and lack of logic, Henchgirl was thought of as Famine, and the Doctor thought of as Plague. Of course, it wouldn't be funny if there wasn't some kernel of truth in it.

As a fellow Mr. Black omake writer, I would suggest reading these stories. I have read nearly every Mr. Black story (often called omakes) posted online while working on a project with the incredible Daisy Duck. She is working towards getting all stories listed and identified on the CaerAzkaban site. They are quite a fun read. While Terminal Justice was unfortunately left unfinished, the basis of Mr. Black's family was established in that story.

Now we transition to another story by a different author. In 2013, the author Worldmaker started a tale called: Origin Story. In this story, the mind of Xander Harris was merged with the body of Power Girl and sent to one of the Marvel Universe worlds through a lot of convoluted logic and pure luck which can be summed up as follows: old God with too much time on his hands put a spell on a Halloween costume that Xander wore. This story is still ongoing.

In this story, Xander, now known as Alexandra, who is a known parahuman which authorities find out is ridiculously powerful, tries to work with the law but eventually is outside the law with the Avengers hot on her flight path. She eventually gets events settled and joins the Avengers. That doesn't last. The current story arc is still ongoing in which Power Girl, now known as Superwoman, has to battle the remaining _official_ Avengers who are unwittingly working for Hydra. In that story arc, Superwoman has since married her partner, Louise, bought a place in the Florida Keys, was promptly deported to another dimension, indirectly got Louise kidnapped and her house confiscated by government officials, and then found a way back to her home. And let me tell you, she was not pleased to find Louise missing. There is more to the story than just that, but it gives a starting point for this story.

This story takes place _after_ that story arc _will_ finish (and yes, I am envisioning some sort of a positive outcome in that story arc in some capacity). The reason for Mr. Black's origin above along with the comments about his family will be made obvious in this story.

Whew. Done with the introduction.

 **-oo00oo-**

 **Author's comments:**

Normally, I do not give a set-up for a story as I feel a story should stand on its own, including if there are any sort of flashbacks. However, as there are multiple stories referenced here I figured I needed to set the stage here or there would be a lot of confusion for anyone who has not read all of these stories. And now… on with the show!


	2. Chapter 1: Family Reunions or Along Came

Chapter 1: Family Reunions or Along Came the Family

 **Author's Note:**

This is a work of fiction. No profits are being derived from it. I do not own anything related to DC Comics or its characters. I do not own anything related to Marvel Comics or its characters. I do not own anything related to Buffy the Vampire Slayer or its characters. I do not own anything related to Harry Potter or its characters. This is just some silliness that came to mind and I wanted to write it out.

 **-oo00oo-**

It was not a dark and stormy night. In fact, it was a bright and sunny morning as a Mercedes with very tinted windows pulled into the gravel driveway of a specific home in the Keys. The car stopped near the house and the two occupants got out.

Occupant #1 was a tall woman, over six feet, with short blond hair around an oval face that showed irritation. She wore stylish shorts with a white t-shirt that had one word on it: Boned.

Occupant #2 was a shorter woman with dark hair who also had an irritated expression while she wore red stylish shorts and a white t-shirt that had the words: To Be Bad. She also wore open-toed sandals and was sipping from a local coffee shop cup of something foamy and full of calories.

Each wore sunglasses in the bright light. They looked at one another and then the door that was slightly ajar on the broken frame.

The larger woman (Alex) said, "Well, we're home." She then walked around the car and pulled her partner into an awkward hug (considering the coffee cup) and the two of them made towards the front door.

The shorter woman (Louise) said in a pained voice, "Fuckers broke the frame when they burst in." Louise was, of course, referring to SHIELD agents who snatched her from their house months ago. The same assholes that weren't playing around when they shoved her into a wall, onto a counter, and then punched her head a few times.

Alex looked at the damage and nodded. "Yes they did. We'll have to see about repaying them for that little bit, won't we?"

Louise was a good person and said, "Promise me you won't kill them?"

Alex would do anything for her partner. "Of course I promise to not kill them. I can't make them suffer if they aren't living."

Louise nodded as she picked up a broken knick-knack that she had bought for Alex back in Miami. "Good. Fuckers need a chance to learn better."

"Let's get started, shall we?" Alex smiled at her wife.

 **-oo00oo-**

A few hours later, while cleaning the repaired house up (which had been repaired at super speed), Louise noticed a man walking up the gravel driveway to their home. He was wearing all black. Shoes, shirt, pants, even a coat. It was the coat that caught her eye. It was a typical warm day in the Keys. Meaning: he should not be wearing a coat. Double-meaning: here comes trouble.

"Alex?" Louise called over her shoulder for her partner. Normally someone several miles off the coast, and dozens of feet under the surf would be unable to hear that call. But Alex had found a way to always listen for Louise. Even underwater, several miles off the coast where their house was.

Moments later Alex walked into the house in her one-piece swimsuit, toweling her hair dry.

Louise had heard the slider open and Alex quietly pad over to her side. Louise was still watching the strange man who was now wearing a white Stetson. He was in no hurry to get off the gravel driveway and head up the steps to the front door. Instead, the man looked around and around, motioning with his arms as if swatting birds away. Bugs, Louise thought to herself. He must be getting rid of bugs.

Louise caught Alex's gaze from the corner of her eye. "I saw him a few minutes ago," she said.

"I wonder what he wants," Alex mumbled.

"No idea. But seeing as how I have a great big, beautiful superhero on my side, why don't you go out and ask him?" Louise crinkled a smile and gave Alex a playful shove, which she knew only worked when Alex allowed it to seeing as how Alex was substantially taller, stronger, and heavier than she was.

"I think I will," Alex grinned back, heading out the front door.

Towel now rolled up and slung around her neck, which hung down enough for her to grab onto it with both hands, Alex strolled up the sidewalk to the waiting man. As she approached him, she couldn't help but feel something familiar was going on, but for the life of her she just couldn't place it.

"Can I help you?" Alex said politely. "Or more to the point: what do you want?" Well, so much for being polite.

The man had stopped looking around as soon as Alex opened the front door and began walking towards him. He had also stopped moving closer to the house entirely, as if to not give off the wrong impression. The problem was, Alex felt, this man gave off the wrong feeling entirely. A something-not-quite-there feeling if she was honest with herself.

The man smiled, even though it was hard to remember his face or any distinguishing marks on him. "My name is Mr. Black. Do you remember me?"

"I don't know any Mr. Black," Alex replied quickly.

"Are you sure? I have been looking for you a long time, Alex. Are you positive you don't remember me?"

Alex took a look at the man with a little more scrutiny. Her senses were telling her he was both there, and not there. Yet somehow, his presence was even stronger. This was very weird, she thought. "No. I do not remember you."

The tall man, equally as tall as Alex, nudged his cowboy hat up a bit and said in a light tone, "You know, I think I would have been more concerned had you actually remembered me. Would have thought you might'a been mad at me for something I have no idea I did."

Alex tilted her head just a bit, trying to wrap her head around that statement. He knew her. But she didn't know him. One thing was for sure, she knew. He was not baseline human. That meant he was a meta-human. She moved the towel from around her neck to just over her left shoulder and inquired, "You haven't answered the first question: what do you want? You know me. I don't know you. Makes me wonder if you're here for a super-powered slug-fest of some sort."

His eyebrows lifted a bit. "Fight you? Well, we have fought before." He smiled that lazy, aggravating smile again.

Alex tensed.

"But now that I think about it, the last time we fought was when you went for the last piece of toast in the morning."

This guy was really offsetting her mental balance. "Toast? Morning? Wait… huh? What, were we an item or something?"

The man looked confused. "An item? What?"

"An item. You know, dating. Intimate or something since you said we fought over toast one morning."

The man's eyes widened. "You? Me? In a relationship?" Pause. "Bwahahahaha!" he laughed good and hard, his hands on his hips to keep himself from bowling over in laughter. "If Kara heard you say that, she would be laughing as hard as me."

Perplexed, but a little more relieved she asked, "Then how then did we end up fighting over toast?"

Still grinning, he straightened and replied, "I don't mean to laugh at you, Alex." He took a moment and reconsidered. "No, I take that back. I _do_ mean to laugh at you. What you said was just too funny. Alex, we ended up fighting over toast when Henchgirl and the Doctor won the bet and we had to make them breakfast. I made them something to eat while you made _us_ something to eat. You burned everything other than the last piece of toast. And I was hungry."

Alex was more confused than ever. Her mental equilibrium was off-kilter more ways than a scatter drill. Her mouth opened to form words that she couldn't put together.

"Alex," he said softly, a hand going to her shoulder. "I'm your brother. Henchgirl and the Doctor are your sisters. And we've missed you."

Alex shook her head to clear that message. "What? Huh? No… I don't have any family here, other than my wife, Louise. You can't…" she stammered.

Mr. Black wasn't going to back off. "You're not convinced. Even I can see that. Here. Maybe this will help you remember me just a bit." Mr. Black licked his thumb and splotched it against her forehead. The moment contact was made, she began downloading and processing new memories while remembering everything. She knew. And it was new. Kind of a new knew. Who knew?

Alex saw her memories as a male Xander interacting with Buffy. She saw her memories of meeting a younger Mr. Black, drinking Klingon Blood Wine at a bar, of them having lots of fun, meeting the family for the first time, yet again. Of understanding many more things that no one else on Earth would ever know. Or should know. Or would want to know. Things like meeting his sisters when they were men, as well as sisters before that. And meeting her brother when he was different as well.

She looked at him as a grin formed and the memories continued to return. "Joe!" She hugged him. His face was now crystal clear and memorable.

Louise had watched the interaction of Alex with the mysterious man. She saw Alex tense at one moment and then the man started laughing. She noticed that Alex looked a little lost for a few seconds and then she smiled and hugged him. Louise was not sure this was a good thing or a bad thing that Alex knew this guy, and apparently liked him.

Alex let go of Joe, looked behind her and motioned for Louise to come up. Tentatively, Louise opened the door and approached the two.

"Louise, let me introduce you to my brother, Mr. Black," Alex grinned, putting an arm around Louise.

"Call me Joe. Kara does," Joe smiled, at first shaking Louise's hand, and then bringing her in for a family hug.

"Uh, okay," she replied. "So, are you a Kryptonian too?" _Alex has a brother? When did that happen?_

"Not in the traditional sense of what you mean, no. I'm something… else. Like Alex here is something… else."

"One of those difficult to explain deals, eh?" Louise grinned, warming up to Alex's brother.

"You've had experience with those, eh?"

"Ooooohh, yeah," she replied. "Let's get out of the sun. I know you two like the big yellow ball of light, but for us bereft of superpowers, we humans tend to burn easy. Would you like something to eat?"

 **-oo00oo-**

The back patio had a round white metal mesh table and four white metal mesh chairs that scraped along the brick pavers when Louise would move them. She moved a chair to reach the umbrella pole and begin cranking it out. Task done, she inquired, "So what does everyone want for lunch?"

"Got any baked beans?" Joe replied.

Louise stared at him with an odd expression. "Kryptonians like baked beans?"

"Well, this one does," he grinned back.

"Sorry," Louise shrugged her shoulders. "I got bread, peanut butter, and jelly. We just got started cleaning up our house after some assholes trashed it and haven't restocked the pantry yet."

"Let me guess; government-financed assholes?"

"You got it," Alex responded with an irritated snarl, still thinking of what she wanted to do to those bastards.

Joe nodded once and said, "No surprise. It's almost as if a government forms that they get a mandate to start a department comprised of assholes. No worries on the beans, Louise. I shall partake of your PB&J, methinks."

"Crusts cut off?" Louise said.

Joe put hands on hips and took a heroic stance. "Hah! As if I cannot cut my own crusts off."

"I'll take that as a no. Alex? You need to rinse that salt off and change while I get sandwiches ready?"

"I can do that."

"Then I shall help Louise in the kitchen," Joe grinned.

A few minutes later, they all met again on the back porch, Alex now in some loose shorts and a loose top. She wore sunglasses again because they looked just plain cool on her.

"Alex? Are you injured?" Joe inquired as Alex sat down.

"What do you mean?" the large blonde returned.

"You just sat down stiffly. What happened?"

Alex waved it off. "Eh, nothing much. Just beat the shit out of some fucking super-powered assholes. Same old, same old."

Joe took an intense gaze at her for a couple moments, his eyes narrowing as he did so. "Right," he replied.

"What?" Louise wanted to know.

"You are injured. More than what will be healed with a few days under the sun."

"A few days won't hurt anything," Alex countered.

"You do know how our luck turns out, right?" Joe arched an eyebrow towards his sister.

"Fine," Alex conceded.

"I'm calling the Doctor," Joe stated.

"You're going to call a doctor to see Alex?" Louise clarified.

"No. I'm calling _The_ Doctor," Joe responded as he pulled out his lighter.

"Do you need to borrow my cell?" Louise indicated a cell phone on the table.

"Oh no. This will do fine," Joe grinned, lighting the lighter which promptly turned to a green flame. "Doctor!"

"Mr. Black? Is that you?"

"It is indeed. Guess what. I found our sibling."

"How is he?" inquired the feminine voice on the other end of the flame.

Joe grinned impishly and replied, " _He_ is a _she_."

The voice raised an octave in shock and said, "He's a she again?"

"Yep. And she's injured."

"Injured? Where? No, wait. You're not a doctor. And you should've said she was injured to begin with. You and I will be having words on that later. I'll grab Henchgirl and be right there."

"Okay. I'll leave the flame open."

Minutes later, two not un-attractive women jumped out of the flame, each landing easily on the brick pavers of the back porch. Louise had watched news reports of superheroes and supervillains for years, and more recently had seen them in action. But what was happening with Alex's family was a whole new level of weirdness.

One of the women was a sandy-brown haired, blue-eyed, infectious smile in an average body that was not rippled with muscles. She did, however, radiate health and good cheer. She was the first one to rush to Alex and give her a hug.

"Where have you been hiding, you big goof?" she smiled at her now-sister.

"Oh you know, secret government labs, jail, you get the idea. Henchgirl, I'd like for you to meet my wife, Louise."

"You're married? Finally?! Sweet!" Henchgirl grabbed Louise and pulled her into a family hug.

"Um, hi?" Louise said.

"Don't mind Henchgirl," Joe said. "She's a hugger."

"Better than a crier I always say," Henchgirl grinned back, tongue out as she leaned back towards Alex.

"Now how is your health?" she grabbed Alex's chin and moved it side to side looking for something that Louise had no idea what it was.

"She's injured," Joe replied, taking a swig of water. "Grimaces when she sits."

"Abdominal?" the other woman in dark hair asked of Joe.

"That's my suspicion," he replied.

"Alex, it is good to see you again. But next time call me before letting this louse try to diagnose any problems you have," Alex's other sister grinned at her, all the while pulling device after weird doohickey from a never-ending doctor's bag.

"Ah, here it is," she finally said, pulling out a tiny case. She then took out a monocle and put it on her face, scrunching her nose to keep it in place while inspecting Alex for injuries.

"Any trouble breathing?" asked the Doctor.

"No," Alex replied.

"Any trouble standing?"

"No."

"Any trouble sitting?"

"Considering I'm sitting now, nothing too horrible."

"Hmmm. Fine, fine. Now come the real questions."

"Fire away," Alex smirked, thinking this exam was over.

The Doctor pulled a tiny knee hammer from her bag and tapped Alex's knee, causing it to spasm out even though Louise knew nothing short of a massive blow could get her wife's Kryptonian muscles to spasm if she didn't want it to.

"Any trouble lifting a two megaton double-headed battle-axe over your head?"

"Uh, not sure," Alex admitted.

The Doctor took off her monocle and gave her patient a critical eye. "And why's that?"

"'Cuz I don't have a two megaton double-headed battle-axe I can lift over my head?"

"What?" Henchgirl exclaimed. "Why ever not? You love that axe. Just call it already. You named it Buster and everything. I bet it's getting lonely these days."

"Different body, different limitations," Joe pointed out.

Henchgirl deflated a moment. "Crap. Forgot. I'll bring it over later, okay? I'll introduce it to you again and you can meet Buster all over again. Sound good?"

"Sure."

Another gizmo that Louise didn't recognize in hand, the Doctor said, "Your skin layers are different. You enjoy getting shot?"

"I always enjoy a good drink," Alex replied smartly.

That response garnered the 'look' from the Doctor. "Shot with a weapon, not drinking shots of booze, young lady."

Alex shrugged her shoulders. "Truthfully, they do kind of tickle."

"Fine. You are healing quickly. Another couple hours here in the sun will do you wonders."

"I know. The sun really helps out."

"I think you'll heal fine under this sun," she summarized.

"Blue light would be better," Joe suggested.

"I know," the Doctor replied to Joe's suggestion. "But you live with what you've got. Meanwhile, you are metabolizing high doses of solar radiation. I take it you have no problems with the infrared to the ultraviolet rays?"

"Nope," Alex smiled.

"Good. Here, take this."

"What is it?"

"Vitamins geared for your metabolism. It will also help with that magical cut in your stomach lining that is not healing as fast as the rest of your body. Take them for a week minimum."

"Cut in her stomach?" Louise wondered aloud. "Would that have healed with Alex's abilities if you hadn't been here?"

"Absolutely it would have healed. In about a month," the Doctor admitted freely. "Which reminds me: you have to take care of yourself on the magical battles."

"I hear you," Alex rolled her eyes.

The Doctor began putting all of her equipment away, or more like: she opened her bag wide, pulled a stick from her sleeve waved it and the equipment flew into the bag, putting itself away.

"Now young lady," the Doctor said in her official capacity as a Doctor. "Last question."

"Shoot," Alex replied, glad this exam was over. Or nearly so.

"You learn how to make breakfast yet?"

"Hah! No," Louise smiled for her wife.

"Honey! C'mon!" Alex objected, but not too much since Louise was right.

"Louise, why don't you get to know Henchgirl and the Doctor while I make some more lunch," Joe offered.

"Remember, Joe. It's peanut butter on one piece and jelly on the other piece. Then put them together," Alex instructed in slow motion.

"Oh, ha-ha. Very funny. Just for that I'm going to make you something awful."

"We only have that to eat in the house," Alex reminded him.

"Yeah, well. I'm sneaky. I'll figure something out."

"Yeah, you are sneaky. Pax?"

"I'll think about it. Louise, you're safe."

"Thanks!" Louise replied with a smile.

For the next 20 minutes, Louise watched as Alex reunited with her family. She answered questions, she asked questions, she told embarrassing stories of Alex, and all around enjoyed meeting her siblings. During this time, Louise remained observant. She might not have understood everything she saw, but she did take care to notice things. And she thought about some things she'd seen and how they didn't jive.

It was while Henchgirl was eating a salad that she knew she didn't have any ingredients for that Joe had brought out earlier that she thought to start her questions.

"Do you guys mind if I ask a question?" Louise started.

"Sure," answered the brunette Doctor.

"How are all of you related?"

"What do you mean?" the Doctor prompted.

Louise began checking things off her fingers. "Joe said he was _like_ a Kryptonian, but not really. Both you and Henchgirl have had to put sun block so you don't burn. Henchgirl also has a papercut on her finger, so she is not invulnerable like Alex. Since you aren't Kryptonian, what are you?"

An awkward moment later, Alex replied, "Aw crap, honey. I was so happy to see my siblings again I forgot to read you into the specifics."

"What specifics are those, Alex?" Louise prompted.

Joe replied, "The fact that we are not so much related by birth as we are related by desire, contrary to what Desire actually wants."

Louise ignored the odd way Joe ended his statement.

"You all wanted to be a family, so you became a family. I get that. I've done that," Louise said.

"True," Henchgirl replied. "But with us there is a bit more to it."

"Like what?"

"Like we are all an extension of the Endless in one way or another. And in effect, immortal," the Doctor said casually.

"Huh?"

"Joe is an aspect of Death. He has the union card and everything," Henchgirl pointed to her brother.

"Huh?"

"He reaps the souls of those that pass on, honey. Death. As in, past-tense. Six feet under," Alex explained.

"Then what are the rest of you?" Louise wasn't liking where this was going. She simply thought they were going to say they were different types of aliens is all.

"The Doctor is an aspect of Pestilence," Alex said pointing to her sister.

"Henchgirl is an aspect of Famine," the Doctor said pointing to the indicated sister.

"And Alex is an aspect of Destruction, sometimes known as War," Henchgirl said.

"You mean to tell me I've got the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse sitting at my table?"

"Well, we're not all guys anymore, you know," Henchgirl pointed out.

"Speak for yourself," Joe smirked.

"Your turn will come, mister, I know it will," Henchgirl smirked back.

"Nope. Kara's going to nix that from ever happening. Speaking of that, I can't wait to tell her about you being a girl again. Maybe you two can swap t-shirts or something."

"Oh, shut the fuck up," Alex grinned, throwing a fork at his head.

Joe, of course, caught it effortlessly while grinning that irritating grin of his.

"Louise? Are you okay? You're a little pale," Henchgirl asked.

"Um… I'm not really sure how to process all of that considering the nuns always talked about the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse heralding the end of times and all that."

"Well, that may have been true centuries ago, but isn't really the case these days," Henchgirl replied. "Besides, it was all a publicity stunt to get better seats at restaurants anyway."

"Restaurants?" Joe cocked an eyebrow.

"Fine," Henchgirl updated. "Pubs, Taverns, Inns, whatever. Happy?"

"Yeah. But, Louise, you don't need to worry about the four of us getting together and bringing death and the end of everything. No apocalypse. Reason: Destruction of the Endless went walkabout. Cosmic walkabout style, you know," Joe added.

"What?"

Henchgirl took her hand and calmly said, "There are seven Endless. They are: Destiny, Death, Dream, Desire, Despair, Destruction, and Delirious. They came into being at the beginning of the universe and will be there at the end to turn out the lights. They are what they are. They sometimes take on human form. Or shapes of other living things."

"They are incredibly powerful, and powerless at the same time. They can do things, but there are rules in effect. They cannot just decide to end a universe on a whim," the Doctor said.

Joe continued, "We are all aspects of the Endless. We are born. In this case, we all started as humans and over time we assumed roles within the Endless operations. We fill in for when an Endless is otherwise unable to for any reason whatsoever. It is not fair to say we have a job for life, since our jobs extend beyond death as well. It is more accurate to say we have jobs for as long as we want them."

"And Joe is going on… which work anniversary now?" Alex queried.

"My 15th."

"You've been a worker for, ah… Death for 15 years?" Louise thought she understood.

"No. I've been doing it for 15 billion years. I am Death. I am also one of many Deaths."

"Alex, Henchgirl and I are all part of the Endless Destruction who has gone walkabout. Joe is an extension of Death. He has been for over two centuries. Or since the beginning of time. It is very subjective, and not at all tranquil," the Doctor supplied. "And I'm sure your next question is what happened with Alex."

"Yeah, that would be good to know," Alex replied. "My memories of it are… missing."

"No surprise," Joe said. "You didn't die but you did die, if that makes sense."

"Nope. Not making any sense at all," Louise admitted.

"Okay," Joe began. "Xander was hanging out with Buffy. Mr. Blue was Xander. Halloween. Old God who had one too many decided to have some yucks at someone else's expense. Old God ripped Mr. Blue away from Xander and populate the Power Girl's body he created as well. Thought it would make for a good evening's entertainment. But thing is, Old God didn't do it right and Mr. Blue kind of died during that transfer. Xander recovered with no memory of Mr. Blue and Dawn was a bit too fast with the reality re-shape spell. Xander there would never become Mr. Blue again. But now there was Alex and Mr. Blue was quite content to become Mrs. Blue if you know what I mean."

"Suffice to say," the Doctor clarified, "every now and then, one of us can _kind_ of be killed or otherwise die. But you have to understand: you can't really kill an Endless. And we are part of that Endless entity."

Henchgirl said, "So we get reborn in different ways, learn who we are and what we are as well as how to control ourselves again. This is a good thing as we get to become something different which we add to the collective whole of ourselves."

"In fact, this wasn't even the first time Blue or Alex here has been a woman. It's happened a few times throughout the eons," Joe said.

"Wait," Louise instructed, gathering her thoughts. "Alex has been a woman before? Really?"

"Absolutely," Joe replied. "It happens all the time."

"Really?"

"Uh, sure."

"Really." Louise's shit-detector went off.

"Uh, yeah?"

"Smooth, Joe," Alex smirked.

"Yeah, yeah. All right, it doesn't happen all the time. Certain conditions have to be met, but Alex has been a woman before. Granted, not of the human species, but you get the idea."

"Not human? How does that work?"

"Hmmm," Joe wondered how to discuss this. "Okay. I'll keep this super high level. Have you ever heard of black holes?"

"The space thing? Yes," Louise nodded.

"Okay. How about the big bang theory, and I'm not referring to the TV show."

"Another space thing? Yes, heard of that too."

"The general thought among scientist types here is that at the end of the universe, all of the matter in the universe will collapse into an incredible super-massive star that will explode outward and form the universe. Well, guess what? That doesn't happen."

"Okay?" Louise wondered where this was going.

Joe continued. "Instead, black holes form at the start of the universe and gradually spawn new ones as well as get bigger as the universe gets older. They eventually become massive black holes that suck in all matter and energy and so on. With me so far?"

"Sure," Louise said.

"Now these black holes become more prevalent towards the end of the universe. All matter and energy is sucked out of this universe and once it hits max saturation, in an instant a new universe explodes into being."

"I think I understand that. But how does that head to reincarnation?"

"It's not reincarnation," the Doctor said. "It's rebirth. Vastly different."

"What she said," Joe motioned to his sister. "Anyway, Alex, Henchgirl, the Doctor, and myself all existed in the last universe, but when it ended, our beings ended as well. Only we came back into existence when the new universe formed. The difference was that we get to change with each new universe."

"Get to the point, Joe," Henchgirl motioned for him to finish up. "Some of us have other things to do this century."

"Fine. Louise, in the last universe, the four of us retained our starting shapes, beliefs, and attitudes through the whole of existence. Billions of years we were like that; from start to finish. And you know what we found out?"

"What?"

"We found out it was fucking boring to keep a static shape and mentality," Alex replied.

"Mind-numbing boring really," the Doctor added.

"Yep," Joe said. "So in this universe we allowed ourselves to rebirth and become something new because new is not boring. And this allows us to interact more. And we found it is fun. And best yet, we don't control how we are rebirthed. It just happens."

"As for how the four of us are related, there are many others in the Endless family, but truthfully, the four of us get along the best, so we kind of hang out as often as we can. A lot of the others are dicks. Especially Destiny. I'm pretty sure that book of his now has me saying he's a dick," Alex said.

"What?" Louise finally said, stunned by the amount of time the others were talking about. Billions of years. Immortals. Long lived was one thing, but they were frickin' immortal! She was unaware of when Henchgirl gently guided her to a sitting room inside to get out of the afternoon sun. It was simply the next thing in a very weird day that she snapped out of whatever fugue her thoughts had thrown her in to see that she and Henchgirl were sitting in the family room on a flower-patterned sofa. Henchgirl was smiling with what Louise felt was a heartfelt smile while holding her hands until Louise had finished processing her thoughts. Louise felt no rush from Alex's sister. Famine. Whatever.

When her eyes came back to alertness, Henchgirl said, "Louise? It's all okay. You are okay. Alex is okay. You have new family members to hang with. Admittedly, we are pretty cool, but the important thing here is that you are okay and so is Alex. Here. Drink this. It'll help."

Henchgirl pulled a pink foamy drink from her pocket. An eco-friendly straw, tiny umbrella, and a slice of pineapple were on the top, and the foam looked fresh.

"What's this?" Louise looked at the concoction with interest, and took a sniff. Strawberries!

"Oh, just a yummy nutritious health drink. Joe swears by them. Has been ever since I began making them for him."

Louise took a sip and then sucked hard because Henchgirl was not lying when she said it was a yummy drink.

A few gulps in, Louise smiled and was content to nurse the drink along. "So how long have you, uh, been Famine?"

"Strangely enough just a few years after Joe found out he was an aspect of Death. It was a real eye opener I tell you. The Doctor found out a little after me about her role too. Of course, that little troll, the Professor, wanted to get in on the action and I told him to stuff it."

"The Professor?"

"He'll probably show up at some point. He is always looking for new things to blow up."

"Blow up? Do I want to know?"

"Not really. He means well. He's just a little scatter brained is all."

"Do you enjoy the nature of your office? I only ask because this drink is really good and if you are Famine…" she let the rest trail off.

"I know what you mean. I'd love for everyone to be healthy and not eat all those fatty foods. Except for that troll back home. He can eat crap for all I care. See if I make him a birthday cake again."

"Birthday cake? Do I want to know?"

"Falls under blowing things up."

"Ah. Gotcha."

"But you know, as Famine, stuff happens. I don't always like it. I don't even see a purpose for all of it. But eventually I think I'll be able to turn this department around to what I want."

"Really?"

"A girl can hope, right?"

Louise took another long pull on the strawberry concoction.

"Feeling better?" Henchgirl smiled again.

"Loads better actually."

"Good. Let's get back to the others. There's no telling what mischief Joe's gotten up to."

"Happens a lot with him?"

"Not intentionally on his part for the most part, but yes. That boy has the worst luck."

They returned to the table where Joe and Alex were throwing bread slices at one another at sonic speed.

"Dear," Louise began, setting the half-gone drink down on the table, "I don't think you and Joe should be throwing things at one another that fast out here in the open. The neighbors might see it and get nervous, or even report it to the police."

"Yeah, not that we need any more trouble around here," Alex agreed.

"Actually, that shouldn't be a problem any longer for you here," Joe offered. "Before Alex met me on the driveway, I threw up some wards to keep all those local spies from overhearing our real conversation, or seeing anything here that either you or Alex don't want them to see. I'll transfer the wards to Alex before leaving. They're real easy to configure. Kind of like a supernatural burglar alarm system."

"What spies?" Louise asked the most pertinent question based on Joe's statement.

"Oh, you know: the Russians, Iranians, Chinese, Brazilians, French, British, Cubans, Aussies, and Americans to name a few. The good news here is: the local economy is taking a sharp upturn since all those spies need a place to stay and something to eat. I managed to overhear that the locals are gauging all those assholes for everything they can. Your neighbors have all rented their homes to the spies for hefty sums."

"What are they hearing instead?" Alex asked.

"Oh, how you like ponies, and kitties, and puppies. Nothing at all regarding what we talked about today."

"And seeing?"

"You and Alex have been sitting at this outdoor patio table all day, reading the paper and sipping water. And talking about ponies, kitties, and puppies," Joe grinned. "Now what are _you two_ scheming about?"

Henchgirl and the Doctor stopped their whispering since they had already come to an agreement.

"Louise?" Henchgirl started. "How would you like a job?"

"Keep in mind, this will allow us to keep better tabs on our sister since she is prone to accidents here and all," the Doctor also put in with a smirk.

"Hey," Alex mock glared at her sisters.

"What does the job entail?" Louise returned.

"Chronicling for one thing. You would be a freelance troubleshooter," Henchgirl supplied. "I'll get you a complete job description if you want."

"And best yet," the Doctor grinned, "that old saying about death and taxes? Yeah, well, Joe here scares the crap out of tax collectors, so you get paid tax-free."

Louise smiled at that. "Sure. I'll take it. Sounds like fun."

The Doctor picked up her bag as Henchgirl rose as they planned to leave. "Good. You won't regret it. We will also send a professional to assist you with your changer ability so you can use it properly."

"Call me confused, but all I can do with my mutant ability is change my hair color."

"That's not all you can do," the Doctor said. "But I will allow the professional to give instructions to you instead of me."

And with that, the party began breaking up. The two sisters vanished without a sound. Louise was amazed at that. Teleportation?

Joe gave Alex and Louise a hug as well as a lighter each with instructions on how to use it. He wet his thumb again and stuck it on Alex's forehead to transfer the wards and give instructions on it. Then he too disappeared.

But best yet, when Louise went back to the table to sit down, she noticed her strawberry drink was full again. Mmmmm. Yummy.

 **-oo00oo-**

 **Author's note:**

While it has been fun to write and conceive new things, leaving a review does get me motivated to write more. Hint. Hint.

I currently have in mind nine more chapters for this story. It may grow to more, but likely will not be less. I have bits and pieces of the next nine chapters plotted and parts of said chapters even written.

Suggestions for any Marvel character interactions are always welcome. I may not use it, but then again, I might.

Leaving reviews does get me motivated to write more. Just saying…


	3. Chapter 2: Family Meet-n-Greets or Who W

Chapter 2: Family Meet-n-Greets or Who Wants to Meet My Brother?

 **By Steve2**

 **Author's Notes:**

This is a work of fiction. No profits are being derived from it. I do not own anything related to DC Comics or its characters. I do not own anything related to Marvel Comics or its characters. I do not own anything related to Buffy the Vampire Slayer or its characters. I do not own anything related to Harry Potter or its characters. This is just some silliness that came to mind and I wanted to write it out.

I've gotten quite a few compliments. Thanks! They do keep me motivated to write more. Enjoy.

 **-oo00oo-**

Pop.

"Wotcher!" smirked a loud voice in the kitchen that wasn't there moments ago.

"Shit!" Louise shouted, nearly dropping the jug of milk she pulled from the fridge.

"Sorry about that," a British sounding female voice said behind Louise that sounded anything but apologetic.

"Do I know you?" Louise questioned the newcomer with an arched eye.

The new woman in her kitchen would not have been out of place in a punk concert. Jeans (torn), boots (scuffed), metal belt (battered), short shirt (tastefully ripped), Mohawk and a shit-eating grin that promised any number of things.

"Name's Tonks. Henchgirl and the Doctor sent me. I'm guessing you're Louise?"

"What gave it away?" Louise snarked.

"You don't _got_ that casual violence aspect of you that Blue, or I guess the name's Alex has," she replied honestly.

Louise smirked. There was that. Still… "Alex?!" Louise shouted. "You know a Tonks?"

A voice replied from somewhere else in the house, "Tall, pink Mohawk, and clumsy as all shit?"

Louise noticed the now-pink Mowhawk and the shit-eating grin on her face. "Yep!"

"She's cool! Hi, Tonks!"

"Wotcher!" she yelled to Alex. "Anyway, let's get this show on the road. Demonstrate to me what you can do. I was told you can do some hair tricks."

Louise changed her hair to a shade of pink.

"That's all you can do now, right?" she sat down on a stool at the counter.

"That's all I can do period," she clarified, putting the milk on her cereal. "I tried telling Henchgirl and the Doctor that but they didn't believe me."

"Yeah. I get that," Tonks replied, reaching for an apple in a basket and accidentally knocking over the salt and pepper shakers. "They're not big on listening to things they don't want to hear. Thing is though," she took a bite out of the red apple, "is that you can do more. I can feel it. I'm thinking they could too."

"What do you mean?"

"It's all about anatomy. You gotta research and understand how everything all works together. Kinda like you can't have a six-pack mixed with flabby rolls. Know what I mean?"

"I… guess?"

"No you don't," Tonks smiled reassuringly. "But you and I are going to figure it out together. Now let's play a game. You follow me and keep up, okay?"

Louise took a bite of cereal and smiled back, sitting on a stool next to Tonks.

"Ready?"

"Yep," Louise steeled herself.

The pink Mohawk turned white.

Louise changed her hair white.

White Mohawk turned purple.

Louise changed her hair purple. She was starting to enjoy this.

Additional colors followed. Red, green, purple, black, brown, white, red, yellow, blue, orange, red, black, white, striped, orange, blue, green, mint, blue-ish, red-ish, green-ish, striped, spotted, and more. The game was on and Louise enjoyed changing her hair color more and more, faster and faster. She had never realized that this could be so fun.

Tonks kept up the changing hair colors and even began putting in new styles. An hour later, Alex checked in on them and found the two women sitting opposite one another, staring at the results of their continual hair changes.

"Having fun?" Alex asked.

Louise turned and smiled at her.

"Whoa. What's that?" Alex pointed.

"Just a different hair color, Alex. Nothing big," Louise replied.

"Not that. _That_ ," Alex again pointed to her.

"What?" Louise's smiled vanished as she tried to understand what was going on.

"Check your nose," Tonks offered with a smile.

Louise felt her different-feeling nose and ran for a mirror. She shrieked. "What the hell happened to my nose, goddammit?!"

Tonks and Alex stood next to her as they all looked at her nose reflected in the mirror. Tonks changed her nose to the same style. "Like it? I got this nose from an old picture. Its' the classic W.C. Fields nose."

"How? What?" Louise stammered.

"We were changing hair colors and I added in hair styles. You kept up with me and the game was on. About ten minutes ago I changed my nose and you copied it as well even if you weren't paying attention to it."

"I… I changed my nose?" Louise wondered, still touching the nose.

"Yeah," Tonks grinned. "Told you that you could do it."

"You did. Change it back."

"Sorry, Louise. That is all you. But let's work it through, yeah?"

Alex left them to it and a few minutes later Louise's nose returned to its normal shape when Louise concentrated on something nose-peaceful.

"Yes, that's how you do it," Tonks congratulated the fledgling shape-shifter. "This is a fantastic start, girl. And the start of what we're going to learn together. I'm going to teach you to change your entire body. And believe me, it'll help you to get a lot of skin mags to better understand what types of bodies are out there and what they look like."

"I need to get subscriptions to nudie mags?"

"It'll help."

"More like help Alex think of new ways to… you know what, I'm all for it. Nudie mags here I come."

Alex ignored the giggling in the kitchen. She was sure it was at her expense anyway. Oh well, as long as Louise was having fun…

 **-oo00oo-**

A bit over a week later, Alex got the call she had been expecting. Tony, Steve, and the rest of the original Avengers had cleaned house of the faux-new Avengers, along with a few other organizations such as SHIELD, the NSA, and Hickory Farms. Tony apologized for the call being days late but it turned out that while cleaning house with SHIELD and the NSA was easy, having to deal with all the Hickory Farm subscribers was more difficult than expected. He reassured Alex that the additives Hydra had been putting in the gift baskets would be neutralized within six or seven weeks and all those previously affected would simply wave it off as an odd fascination for processed meats that ran its course.

And now that the organizations were getting back in line with their original mandates, it was time to do official Avenger business again. Tony asked Superwoman to arrive at noon the next day at Avengers HQ. It had been fixed, and even updated with some new furniture. Alex agreed, wanting to know what official Avenger business was, told Louise she would be out of town for a bit the next day and not sure when all would be over, and to not wait up. Louise in turn told Alex that was fine as she and Tonks were going to a strip club in Miami. For research, you see. Wink-wink.

The next day arrived and at 11:59:03am Eastern time, Alex kissed her wife, and flew to NY. She arrived at 11:59:47, which was later than she anticipated, but she saw an absolutely cool iceberg and stopped to take a selfie with it. She was met at the door, escorted in and taken to a large conference room that overlooked the city. Just like before.

Sitting at the table were Steve Rogers (Captain America), Peter Parker (Spider-Man), Janet van Dyne (The Wasp), Simon Williams (Wonder Man), Ares, Jennifer Walters (She-Hulk), Sam Wilson (The Falcon), Natasha Romanova (Black Widow), Clint Barton (Hawkeye), and Tony Stark (Iron Man).

Along the side of the room was a serving table which held a lot of really good smelling food. The others were eating and Alex helped herself. There was a little small talk with everyone and a few minutes later Tony came in with several boxes loaded on a dolly he pulled behind him.

"Hi, everyone. Thanks for coming. It's the first of the month. Ready to get started?"

The team, minus Tony and Alex groaned and took seats. It seemed the others knew what was coming and that Alex was the odd one out.

"What is this? Super-villain recap or something?" Alex asked of The Falcon.

"Worse," he replied, grimacing. "Autograph session."

Alex thought she was having her leg pulled until Tony handed out headshots of all the heroes, along with some team photos.

"Sorry you weren't in the team shot, Alex," Tony apologized sincerely. "But I grabbed a photo I saw of you online and added it into the mix. We'll get a better team shot later this afternoon so that everything will be ready for next month." He smiled at the thought of next month's signing party. "I did manage to get your headshot from the ID badge photo taken a couple months back."

Tony handed her a stack of photos and black sharpie marker. Tony had given her about 500 headshots and there were about 500 team photos for all of them to sign. The others got to work.

"Why are we signing team photos?" Alex wanted to know and looked sharply at Tony.

Tony sat and started to sign. "Do you want the heroic answer or the real answer?"

"There's a difference?" Peter Parker inquired, adding a mini-spider logo to his headshot.

"Of course," Tony replied, mock offended.

"Gimme the real answer," Alex said, signing the pictures.

"It helps defray overhead," Tony admitted. Alex heard his heartbeat and could tell he wasn't lying.

"I thought you paid for everything here," Alex said with some slight confusion.

"It doesn't help if I don't have a source of income coming in," Tony said, signed his name, and took a bite of the sushi roll on his plate.

"Just how much are we charging for these pictures?" Wonder Man inquired as he worked to get through his stack as quickly as possible.

"It's for a good cause, Simon," Tony assured.

"Uh-huh. What's her name?" Alex said for the group.

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about," Tony gave her a winning smile.

"Wait. I'm signing my name on these pictures so Tony can use them to score?" Peter wondered aloud.

"Well… yeah," Tony admitted as if it were an open secret.

"And how is you scoring going to keep that source of income coming in?" Janet van Dyne asked with an edge to her voice.

"Happy Tony, happy Avengers. See?" Tony smiled that award-winning smile at her.

"Is that how your assistant, Happy, got his name?" Alex said with a grin.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore. Can we all just finish signing please?" Tony motioned for everyone to get to work signing pictures.

Five minutes of silence went by with only the sound of markers squeaking on photo after photo being heard. The Sharpie fumes were fortunately being pulled into the ceiling vents so they didn't have to smell it.

Spider-Man broke the silence. "So how do you use these photos to score? I'm not asking for myself, of course, but for a friend. Do you go up to a woman at a bar and say, 'Hey, baby, I'm famous. Want to see a picture of me?' And then whip out the photo? Because if you do, I'd like to see the wallet this goes into."

"Pete?" Captain America began.

"Yeah, Steve?"

"I'm sure Tony doesn't keep a team picture folded in his wallet," the old soldier stated.

"I don't," Tony agreed. "Thanks, Steve."

"You're welcome, Tony. But where do you keep it? In a pouch around your chest? So that you can whip it out like a business card? 'Hi, I'm a hero, here's a picture of me. Want to see what else I can do?'"

Alex snorted back a laugh.

"Very funny," Tony sarcasmed. "More signing, people. And be legible. The ladies don't like sloppy signatures."

Markers squeaked on more photos as the heroic Avengers performed the mundane task.

A few minutes later came a sound that brought relief to all but Tony.

"Sir?" Jarvis began via a speaker in the ceiling.

"Yeah, Jarvis?"

"A quantum fissure is forming in your room," Jarvis returned.

The team scrambled to alertness. Peter pulled his mask over his face. Natasha pulled her weapons out and ensured they were ready. Steve grabbed his shield and Janet shrunk down to a small size that left her relatively invisible. Tony scrambled for his armor which actually surprised Alex to see him get into it as quickly as he did. She had thought it would take him longer for some reason.

On a different tangent, Tiffany Amber (gold-digger) would later wonder why the pictures that Tony Stark gave her only had names like Super, or Spid, or Capta, or Wonde alongside Iron Man. Were they new members or something? Oh well, she would still sell it on eBay. Besides, Tony had still signed his pictures and he was rich after all, tee-hee.

However, back to the present, a fissure started as a line which grew larger and then began spinning. Moments later an opening could be seen on the other side of the portal. A familiar face to most of the Avengers stepped through. It was Thor.

A Thor that was battered, bruised, and looked as if he could use a respite from a battle. A Thor that had cuts, swelling, and torn clothes.

"What's going on, soldier?" Captain America grasped the arm of Thor to help stabilize him.

Janet became full size and handed Thor a glass of water. He took a long drink and replied, "Tis Hela, Captain. She is up to her old tricks and is attempting to overthrow Odin and our realm. I seek assistance from the Avengers to make sure this does not happen. For if it does, she will lay claim to the mortal realms as well."

"Of course we'll help," Tony immediately said, knowing Jarvis was listening in and would send an email to all people he dealt with to let them know he was unavailable until the crisis was over.

"We will?" Spider-Man said.

Captain America threw an arm around the younger hero. "Buck up, soldier. It's just an invasion by undead forces. It'll be a walk in the park."

"Yeah, if you normally walk in a park of zombies or something," Peter psyched himself up for the upcoming battle.

"Jarvis? Prepare my special weapons."

"Of course, sir," the AI replied immediately.

"Alex, you haven't met the _real_ Thor. Thor? This is Superwoman. Superwoman, this is Thor, God of Thunder and all that," Tony introduced and then walked away to grab a new weapon of some sort.

Alex and Thor shook hands. Thor immediately felt how powerful the woman was.

"Well met, Superwoman. I thank thee for coming to Asgard's assistance," he said solemnly.

"Yeah, about that. You mind if I invite someone else along to this little shindig?" Alex asked more of Tony than Thor.

"Powered help?" Tony linked a new weapon to his suit's power supply.

"Yep," Alex replied.

"Not Louise, right?" Steve suggested more than asked.

"Not Louise," Alex agreed.

"Go for it. If you need to call, the phone's over there. Dial 8 to get an outside line."

"Not a problem," Alex smiled and pulled a lighter from her secure pouch no one ever noticed since it had a few cool abilities on it that the person she was calling had put on it.

"Um, Alex, this is a non-smoking building. City regulations you know," Tony stated.

Alex grinned and flipped him the bird. "Good thing I'm not smoking." She sparked the Zippo, got a flame, and to Tony's amazement, the yellow flame turned green almost instantly. "Mr. Black!" she called out.

A face appeared in the flame. "Hey Alex. What's up?"

"Got a situation. Asgard. The dead have risen and are fighting the warriors there. Care to help?"

"Zombies?! Sure! Sounds like fun."

"How long will it take you to get here? We'll be ready to head out in a few minutes."

"Oh, not long at all. I learned a new trick. Got the idea talking with Firestorm. Here. Catch." Mr. Black threw a boot through the flame and Alex caught it by automatically.

"Got it!" she replied.

"Good. Now catch this." He threw another boot through the flame.

"Got it!" she said. "What are you going to do, throw all your clothes through the flame?"

"Nah. Just the boots. For some reason they keep getting left behind. Now, pull me through."

"What?"

"Pull me through," Mr. Black repeated, pushing his hand through the flame.

"Hah! You got it, you crazy bastard," Alex grinned and yanked Mr. Black into the Avenger conference room.

Mr. Black looked at all the stunned heroes as he put his boots back on. "Hey," Mr. Black greeted.

"Um," Spider-Man began, looking at the man whose face he had a hard time recognizing. "What's with coming out of the lighter flame?"

"Beats taking a cab," Mr. Black casually replied.

"But what if the cab were made of flames?" Spider-Man suggested.

"There would still be gum on the seat, I'm sure," Mr. Black casually replied again.

"So… if you hailed a flaming cab, got in, sat down and were stuck on the seat due to excess gum, would you still take that flaming cab?"

"Depends," was the response given via a smirking mouth.

"On what?" Peter said.

"On what time of the day it was. You ever try getting a cab during rush hour?"

"Guys!" yelled Tony Stark, clearly agitated.

Mr. Black and Spider-Man looked at the red and gold garbed walking tin can.

"What?" Spider-Man said.

"Enough of the flaming car, the flaming traffic and the flaming gum already!"

"Well, okay," Spider-Man agreed. "I was out of flame-based jokes anyway."

"How about that Fantastic Four guy? Johnny Storm?" Mr. Black suggested.

"Yeah, I guess we could through a few puns around on him," Spider-Man agreed, a hand rubbing his chin in thought.

"Guys!" Tony shouted at the two and pointed to Thor when they looked at him.

"Asgard; remember?!" Thor pleaded, the portal opening.

"Spidey," Alex shook her head. "No more flame jokes, okay?"

"Well of course. Save people now Jokes later."

As the Avengers made ready to leave, Mr. Black whispered to Alex, "He's like Plastic Man, you know?" He indicated Spider-Man. "Don't worry. I'll get him a book of Really Bad Jokes. That'll tide him over. And embarrass him as well."

"How will it embarrass him?"

"Easy," Joe smirked. "I'll put a couple compulsions on it for him to read and recite those bad jokes. To everyone and anyone."

"For how long?"

"One week?" Joe suggested.

"Make it two weeks. He looks like a slow learner," Alex said with a smirk.

"Two it is," Joe agreed, jotting it down as a TO-DO in his cosmic day-planner.

"Well, okay then," Alex smiled at Peter Parker who in turn was a little nervous of what Alex could have done to him if his mouth had opened before Tony's. He really needed to watch his mouth and the zingers that just came out.

Captain America approached Iron Man as the last of the circuits were linked and powered. "Tony? How did that man show up? Same way as Thor?"

"I don't know, Steve. But it certainly makes me concerned how easily this Mr. Black showed up here. Alex, who is he?"

Alex replied, "He's Mr. Black. And he's coming along."

"The portal is open. We must hurry. Hela must be stopped!"

Thor's portal reopened and one by one they stepped through. One moment they were in a conference room overlooking a massive city, and the next they were on a grassy field with thousands of combatants hacking at one another with swords, shields, lances, and maces.

The two sides were easy to make out. On one side there were warriors on foot, heavy with beard, some heavy with gut, shields to the front, and swords defending or attacking with a shout on their lips. On the other side were undead warriors, clothes tattered, eyes devoid of life, and no sound being made as no lips or no lungs available. The intensity was the same between both sides.

Warriors on foot, warriors on horseback, even the Valkyries were fighting the undead.

As the last of the Avengers came through the portal, Thor closed it. Mr. Black took everything in within moments of his arrival.

Thor began to issue orders. "Captain, you take your forces to the hillside over there, and Tony, you take the fliers up and attack from the middle. I will…

Mr. Black, scowl on his face, cast a quick voice amplification trick. "EXCUSE ME?! EVERYONE! YES, YOU IN THE BACK TOO! YES, YOU! DO YOU ALL MIND STOPPING FOR A BIT UNTIL WE GET THIS SORTED OUT?! OKAY! THANK YOU!"

Immediately, all undead forces simply stopped, their weapons slowly going to a rest position. Odin's forces took that lull in fighting to retreat, dress wounds, and get something to drink.

Thor looked around at the ceased fighting. "What is going on?"

"I think _she_ might be wondering the same thing," Spider-Man pointed to a furious looking green and black garbed woman storming towards them. Her eyes were white and the scowl on her face told Peter more than anything else.

"Hela," Thor whispered.

"Hela," Spider-Man said. "The same Hela that is the child of Loki and the giantess Angrboda? The Asgardian Goddess of Death? The ruler of Hel and Niflheim?"

"Aye. That Hela."

Spider-Man nodded. "Oh. Okay. She's not as tall as I thought she'd be."

Hela's frown was the easiest thing to see, but her deathly presence was the easiest thing to feel since it felt… well… dead… and they could all feel it dozens of feet before she was upon them.

"WHO!" she began, fury evident on her face.

"Who what?" Peter almost said but didn't as Janet had put a hand over his mouth, having worked alongside Spider-Man for some time.

"WHO DARES COMMAND MY ARMIES TO STOP?!" Hela wanted to know.

Mr. Black stepped around the other heroes so she could see him clearly. "I do."

"WHO ARE YOU?!" Hela ordered as she changed her route away from Thor to this new person.

"Mr. Black," he said simply, allowing his face-masking ability to fade for the Death of Asgardians.

She stopped a few feet away from him. "Joe?"

"Yes," he replied.

She moved those last few feet closer to him. The Avengers tensed, figuring that Hela was going to attack considering that was her M-O all the times they had met her.

Her attack comprised of throwing her arms around his neck as she moved her head into his shoulder and began crying. "Oh, Joe," she sobbed. Mr. Black then negated all sound around them after one foot out. Meaning, no one save Alex could hear what they were talking about.

"What's going on, Hela?" Joe prompted softly.

She began her explanation as she held onto him, and he onto her.

He understood her explanation as it came out. The main death of the universe, Buster, had gone missing. His seconds and thirds had also gone missing. As the next ranking Death, she was tasked with picking up the slack. She agreed and got to work.

It was while she was overseeing the death of a star that she got pulled back here. She was still the Death for Asgardians. And it turned out one of Odin's nitwits had been provoking a giant's child as either something to do, or as a lark, and killed the child. Bad enough she was working a tremendous amount of overtime these days, but to be pulled into something that minor because some nitwit was bored. Well, she was going to make him pay for adding to her workload. So after taking care of the giant's daughter, Hela sent a message to Odin, as proper.

"Let me guess: the message stated to hand over the nitwit or else?" Joe said.

"Of course!" Hela answered as if it were completely reasonable.

Joe nodded in agreement. "I can see that. But he's one of the old breed. And a dick. So what did he say?"

Hela answered, "Odin refused to acknowledge the event with the giant's daughter's death even happened. Well, that wouldn't do!"

"I should say not," Joe agreed. "Every life is sacred."

"Indeed," Hela agreed herself.

So Hela released a few thousand undead on the Asgardians. Let them stew on that for a bit before she got back to them. After the undead were put on a course to storm Valhalla, she returned to her work of helping the star in its last stage of existence before it died and became something else. Listening to Odin's forces screaming, shouting, and screeching in pain brought her a little joy and then it suddenly stopped. She rushed back and here she was now talking to Joe.

"Hela?" Joe began.

"Yes?"

"You're not at your peak," he pointed out.

"I know," she admitted. "I'm distraught, exhausted, and worst of all: I'm emotional. That is not a good trait for me to have at this time."

"Would you like it if I take things over until Buster or the others get back?"

"Would you?" Hela hoped.

"Absolutely. You get some rest, attend to your duties and then when you're ready, give me a call and we can catch up on things here."

"Joe," Hela said. "You're the best. And I really need to get rid of my headache."

"No smiting Odin or his forces until you at least get the full story."

"Fine," Hela smiled. "I'll give that a shot. Just this once for you."

"Thank you. Would you mind returning the dead to their habitat?"

"First thing I do," she agreed.

Mr. Black's noise cancellation stopped as he and Hela broke apart. She went to command her forces to retreat and return to their rest. He moved to talk to the Avengers, and his sister, Alex.

"What just happened?" Tony asked as an Avengers leader.

"Alex?" Joe ignored Tony. "Buster's missing. So are all of his other secondary and tertiary subordinate boneheads. I need to find out what's going on. There's something not right here. I'll be in touch." Mr. Black faded from sight.

Tony was still flabbergasted. "What just happened?" he asked Alex.

"Where'd Mr. Black go?" Spider-Man voiced.

"He said he needed to find out what happened to a bunch of boneheads," Alex replied.

"What just happened?" Tony said again, thinking of a new device to create as a way to compensate for not knowing what the hell was happening.

"Hush," Alex waved everyone silent. "Hela's returning."

Hela approached the Avengers as her forces left the field of battle. "Odinson," Hela spoke clearly. "Inform the All-Father that I shall be resuming my duties in Asgard forthwith. Also inform Odin that I shall be wanting that idiot who started this entire fiasco. My attention is no longer distracted thanks to Joe…"

"Who?" Thor interrupted.

"Joe," Hela stated. Blank stares were her answer. " _Mr. Black_ ," she clarified.

"The guy that Alex knows?" Spider-Man pointed to Superwoman.

Hela looked intently at Alex who in turn did not flinch.

"You've changed a bit since last we met," Hela stated.

Alex shrugged and replied, "Tell me about it."

"What does Mr. Black have to do with anything?" Thor wondered aloud.

Hela looked at Alex who in turn motioned for her to tell them. Hela said, "I am the Death of Asgard, including all you drittsekk* Asgardians. My primary superior is the Death of the Universe. Mr. Black is my superior's corollary."

"If that is the case," Captain America began. "Then how do you know him?"

"Better yet, how did you even meet him?" Spider-Man gulped at the enormity of trading jokes with Death.

Alex grimaced and replied, "Let's talk about that some other time."

"What just happened?" Tony asked of anyone.

 **-oo00oo-**

A portal opened in the Avenger's conference room. One by one the Avengers returned to the mortal realm. As the final Avenger stepped through, Thor gave his thanks and closed the magical portal. Most of the Avengers did not hear Thor's gratitude, especially Tony Stark.

"What just happened?" Tony reiterated.

"I think Tony's broken," Peter said.

Captain America clanged his shield against Iron Man's helmet, ratting Tony a bit.

"Hey!" Tony complained.

"Buck up, soldier! We've returned to Earth, no worse for wear from an exciting battle that never was. Live with it!"

"Fine, fine," Tony shook off the clanging. "Who wants to debrief?"

"You're kidding, right?" the wall-crawler said. "No? Okay then. We went through a magical portal to Asgard in order to battle Hela. Once there, Mr. Black asked everyone to stop fighting. They did. Hela showed up and talked about something with Mr. Black. The battle was over. Mr. Black disappeared from Asgard. Hela said Alex looked different. She agreed. Hela left. And we returned back here. The end. If I drank, I would get a drink now. That was weird even for us."

"Um, good summation, Peter," Tony said.

"Sure. Later everyone! Hey, cool! A book of Really Bad Jokes! Anyone mind if I take this? No? Excellent! It looks interesting!" Peter was fixated on the book.

Alex grinned and said, "Nope. Knock yourself out, Pete. Later, loser."

Spider-Man waved the non-biting comment off. "Yeah, yeah. Night everyone. Hah! I love this joke!"

 **-oo00oo-**

Two weeks later, Peter Parker hid in an attic recess and hoped to God that no one would find him. Apparently people didn't like the jokes he had found in that book. He knew they were funny. His friends and family didn't. And were pretty vocal these days about not wanting to hear them. Peter replayed events of the last few weeks and found that his change of behavior in telling these jokes to everyone he knew (and come to think of it, people he didn't know as well) came from the night he met Mr. Black. And since the one person who knew Mr. Black who was also an Avenger happened to be Superwoman, Peter was able to do the math pretty fast. It was all Tony's fault.

 **-oo00oo-**

 **Author's comments:**

I am currently writing another story, H&T Prank the Multiverse. In the current story arc, I have "incentivized" Lung into becoming a stand-up comic. Now that Spider-Man has a book of really bad jokes, I am wondering how to get the two of them to meet for a Joke-off. This will require some additional thought.

Reviews from the last chapter helped me realize that I need to add a scene with Nick Fury, and Galactus along with one or two of his heralds. Maybe the Silver Surfer. Or the blowhard with the axe. And now that I'm typing this out, maybe the Watcher as well. Maybe Tonks and the Watcher can catch up with something like this:

Tonks: Wotcher!

Watcher: What?

Tonks: Wotcher, yah?!

Watcher: What already?!

Tonks: Wotcher, Watcher! (she smirked)

Watcher: This is stupid.

Comments, as always, are much appreciated.

* drittsekk = Norwegian for "asshole"


	4. Chapter 3: Family Legal Issues or

Chapter 3: Family Legal Issues or How About a Lawsuit?

 **Author's note:**

While it is always fun to write and conceive new things, leaving a review does get me motivated to write more. Hint. Hint.

Thanks to Daisy Duck for beta'ing this story.

Thank you, "guest" for all the suggestions you left last time. Much appreciated and I have a few more ideas for additional scenes in later chapters. Also, your idea of how Alex introduces herself and power set is very good. I will be using it in later chapters.

I am nearly ready to begin posting yet another story. I have multiple chapters done in it, but I would like to get a few more done before I begin posting. Comedy is hard… especially when you don't have time to write. I blame my deteriorating swamp cooler for that. On the plus side, I cheer YouTube for having how-to videos posted that address giving me ideas on how to fix my swamp cooler.

 **-oo00oo-**

It was a sunny Tuesday afternoon with lots of blue sky when Tony's good mood crashed and burned. The reason: Ross and a few stooges trooped into his lab at SI. Tony had finished the financial reviews by early morning and gone over all the tech updates by lunch. Now that it was mid-afternoon, Tony was working on his super tin can suit. That was standard for those in the know of Stark's habits. Apparently General Ross knew of those habits.

Ross wore his General attire that matched his white hair, white mustache, and general lack of humor. With him were Gerald Davis and Robert Conners who were Gyrich's tech analysts, and as far as Stark knew, were still filling in for the missing director. Stark knew Gyrich's type. They did not find a mistress and then go off for months at a time to sow their wild oats that they should have done as teenagers. Not at all. The only reason the man were missing was that he'd been taken out. As in permanently. He'd raised the idea with the President, but Bush had been as obstinate as ever in naming a replacement.

"I read your report on the Hela invasion of Asgard, Stark," General Ross scowled. As usual.

"Thanks," Tony grinned, not bothering to look at any of the men. "Didn't take long to write it up." Tony grabbed some tool that neither of the tech analysts recognized, and they were pretty up to date on most everything in the world.

"I can tell. It was extremely vague on details." Ross really wished he could smoke but damn those politicians and their blasted ideas of smoking in public!

"No details of a battle. A friend of Superwoman's showed up, asked everyone to stand down for a few minutes, he and Hela talked and all was happy after that."

"I understand that, Stark. I can read."

"What do you want, Ross?" Tony finally looked up from his work at the man.

"I had a few people analyze what did and didn't happen in that battle based off your report. We all had the same conclusion. That this Mr. Black is an unknown," Ross stated matter-of-factly.

Tony nodded in agreement. "That he is. Jarvis? Put micro-insulation on my purchase list."

"Done, sir," replied the AI from a ceiling speaker immediately.

"Stark, we need a threat assessment done on this Mr. Black, and we need it now," Ross demanded.

"Then do it. You don't need me to approve funding for it," Stark thought back to the shoulder sensor that was acting up on the last mission.

"Dammit, that's what I'm doing, Stark! You've met this Black. Tell me what I need to know."

Tony stood straight and looked Ross in the eyes. Tony was a little shorter and a lot thinner than the aging General but held as much if not more command presence. "What you _need_ to know and _want_ to know are two different things, Ross. But I'll help you out. Here is what you _need_ to know. One: Superwoman knows a person that is very powerful. His name is Mr. Black. Two: Mr. Black is as powerful as Superwoman, if only in a different way. Three: From what I've gathered here and there, we shouldn't bother Superwoman for our own health. I don't think Mr. Black would like it at all. Four: we shouldn't bother Mr. Black for our own health. I don't think Superwoman would like it at all. Now what you _want_ to know is this: can Mr. Black be neutralized should the need arise? The answer to that: I don't know. But should it happen, I don't think it would be a good idea. Reason: see previous comments."

"There?! You see?" Conners tried to convince Tony of something without actually saying what it was, so Tony kept his mouth shut. "That's the reason we need the ability to take down Superwoman and this Mr. Black. If we don't, they will destroy our country and way of life."

"How are they going to destroy it? By saving people?" Tony had an inkling of what the goof was trying to say, but wasn't going to make it easy for him.

"You don't get the big picture, Stark," Robert Conners stated as if that answered everything. "If we let them do whatever they want, they will become so powerful they will simply tell us what to do and we would have no choice but to do it."

"You mean they'd be a challenge to the GOP, or the Democrats?" Yep, Tony was not going to let the idiot get an easy pass on this.

"This is getting us nowhere!" Ross barked. "We need to have the ability to remove them from the picture when we need it."

Tony shook his head in the negative. "My advice is still not to do it. However, I will not stand in your way of researching it. I will _not_ allow SHIELD to help you, but we will not impede you. I will not endorse research into this foolish project. Get one of your pet think tanks to look into it if you want. We're not helping."

Gerald Davis sneered, "I can't believe you'd rather hang out with a felon rather than help your country."

"Being a felon requires her to have been found guilty in a court of law, which never happened," Tony said simply while wondering how this moron got his position. Probably political appointee.

"Superwoman may be an Avenger, but she's still responsible for killing assets, theft, destruction, and assault. She's a criminal and once a criminal, always a criminal," Gerald Davis returned. The sneering tone must have been a personal favorite of Gyrich's.

"You know her even being wanted is no longer technically true. All warrants have been vacated," Tony again tried to provide clarification to the morons, to no avail.

"Once a criminal, always a criminal, I always say. So does the public. She will always be a menace to society," Ross stated, trying to make Stark think of the big picture.

"So because you think it, then it's true?" Tony could not believe he was sharing the same oxygen with these morons.

"Absolutely," Ross declared. "I know what the American people think!"

"Hmm. You may be right. Therefore…"

"You're going to help create a weapon to bring her down?" Davis hoped with a grin on his face.

Tony resisted looking at the man as if he were pond scum as that wouldn't have been fair to pond scum. "Actually, I was thinking it may be time for her to get her day in court and publicly clear her name."

"What are you going to do when she's found guilty and resists being incarcerated?" Ross was not going to back down to a… a… mere egghead. Iron Man or not, Stark was an egghead!

"Let's cross that bridge when we come to it," Tony replied simply.

 **-oo00oo-**

Later…

"Alex?" Tony said when the phone picked up.

"Tony," Alex replied. "What's up?"

"You're going to need a lawyer."

 **-oo00oo-**

Being the head of SHIELD (again) meant Tony Stark had a lot of resources to pull from and direct as needed. A few calls were made and the gears of justice began. SHIELD lawyers were given assignments and other legal staff got involved ensuring the Justice Department had all the information SHIELD was legally required to provide them in their case against Superwoman. Soon enough a quick court date was set for the initial hearing against Karen Starr, aka: Superwoman.

Being a super powered individual, court proceedings went slightly differently and while Superwoman had been served legal papers when she was in the Avengers tower, she could remain free pending the Arraignment, Pre-Trial, and/or actual Trial. Superwoman immediately complained about this to her sister, Henchgirl.

"I can't believe how much this sucks, Henchgirl!" Alex slumped in the sofa with a carton of generic ice cream.

"What are you complaining about? You'll be fine. We always are," Henchgirl took the carton away and handed her a yummy shake. She'd dispose of the ice cream into something else later. Maybe the Professor. She was still mad at him anyway.

"Yeah, but who do I know that's the kind of lawyer that I need?"

"Yo, Blue!" Tonks yelled from the other side of Louise as the two were engaged in another game of follow the morphing leader.

"Tonks?" Alex looked back at them.

"Use my lawyer," she grinned, flipping her a card which landed in the potted plant a good three feet away from its intended target.

"Who is it? And why this lawyer?"

"His name's Charlie Dan… Dann… Danny something. He's pretty good. He's represented me a few times already."

"Tonks?" Alex didn't like the sound of that. "What did you do? You've only been here for a month."

"It was nothing. I was innocent. And besides, those buildings were going to fall down anyway."

"Tonks," Alex prompted before taking a slurp of the nutritious strawberry shake. Yummy.

"It wasn't me, alright? I had an alibi," she smiled.

"It was Hermione, wasn't it?"

"…yes," she reluctantly answered.

"What did she do?"

"She came by to visit a few weeks ago to see where I'd been hanging out and, well, you know how she is. She got bored within a few minutes, went to Miami, was propositioned by some people that should have known better, activated her alert so we'd know where the general area where to find the damages and-or bodies, which let me tell you, wasn't so hard to find after all once she managed to shoot the warehouse they ran into and accidentally nicked the propane lines and caused an inferno that engulfed a couple square blocks and then went after the rest of that gang in a shootout on I-75 that ended in the Everglades," Tonks said with a smile. She had never told anyone that being a metemorph allowed her to really tweak her lungs and get an explanation out like that without her gasping for a breath by the end of it.

"That was you?"

"Oh no. I wasn't there. Neither was it Hermione. And there weren't any cameras to see us either. I made sure of that."

"So then what did you need this lawyer to do?"

"Hermione didn't have a gun permit in this dimension so got a ticket and her guns confiscated when we stopped for ice cream on the way back here. Charlie was in the parking lot when that happened, interceded on our behalf and got the guns back a day later."

"Couldn't any lawyer have done that?" Louise asked while Henchgirl smiled at the entire conversation.

"Maybe. But the way Charlie did it? He claimed and proved that since Hermione wasn't native of this dimension, then neither were the guns and therefore the locals couldn't confiscate them since they didn't technically exist. There was a bit more to it, but his instincts were spot on."

"Okay," Alex replied with a satisfied nod, reaching for a phone. "I'll give him a call. Couldn't hurt."

 **-oo00oo-**

In 1991, the cable network channel Court TV was created. It aired many legal shows including actual courtroom proceedings. It had millions of followers and aired a number of sensational programs like the OJ and the Menendez brothers' trials. As a sure-fire ratings hit, Court TV petitioned for and got the exclusive right to air the upcoming Superwoman trial.

Court TV junkie and Avenger Wonder Man (aka: Simon Williams) ensured his calendar was blocked out for the trial. He was in the Avengers tower common room. The big screen TV was on and a commentator stood in front of the courtroom, his expression somber as he talked about whatever was thought to be important. Simon didn't pay attention as he had muted the volume long before in order to get the room set how he wanted. He picked up and moved a couch to be right in front of the TV. He moved an ottoman in front of the couch so he could get comfortable. He also grabbed his stocked cooler and put it by the couch.

He sat, put his feet up and grabbed the remote.

"Hi, Simon," a voice started. "What are you watching? Regis and Kathie Lee?"

 **-o0o-**

Meanwhile, in courtroom 10, 48-year old Federal Prosecutor Michael Jordan (no relation) was approached by 51-year old Defense attorney Charlie Daniels (also no relation).

"Michael," Charlie began as he put his briefcase down on the defense table.

"Charlie," Michael replied stiffly, his case already down on the floor and his notes on the Prosecution table.

"You have a no-win case here, Michael," Charlie said, looking at the younger man.

"So you say, Charlie," Michael grimaced at having to speak to Charlie Daniels. The man never lost! He had to have some sort of inside handle on people. No one was that good of a lawyer. "But we are going to bury your client. Even if you win, she will still lose."

"Never say never, Michael," Charlie smiled cheerfully and closed his case after taking out his favorite attorney weapon: a pen. A black fountain pen he kept in his hand all the time.

 **-o0o-**

Meanwhile, Simon had finished explaining what Court TV was and why he was watching the upcoming case. "I don't mind if you want to sit and watch with me," Simon offered to Hank.

"Hmm, maybe," the Beast (aka: Hank McCoy) replied through his flue-furred face. "Kinda beats destroying the laws of physics."

"Speak for yourself," Spider-Man (aka: Peter Parker) replied. "I enjoy regularly destroying the laws of science."

"Guys," Simon stopped the two Avengers scientists. "C'mon. It's starting." He turned up the volume so they could watch. Peter took a seat on the wall.

"What are you guys watching?" said a feminine voice.

Simon resisted the urge to throw something, or someone as he began to explain.

 **-o0o-**

Meanwhile, the commentator moved out of the shot of the courtroom.

"All rise!" a bailiff commanded from the side where a camera could see him and the door that the judge would come out.

Judge Nancy Thompson entered and looked at the lawyers. She sat and the order to sit was given by the bailiff. The court quieted down and Judge Thompson frowned and said, "Defense? Where is your client?"

"She is in the Midvale, Ohio city cemetery, your honor," Charlie stood and answered.

"What? Doesn't she understand she needs to be here to enter a plea of guilty or not guilty to the charges?" Judge Thompson was not a happy woman.

"No, your honor. She can't say that for she is dead. Has been for the last several years."

"Both of you approach," Judge Thompson ordered.

A confident Charlie Daniels approached the judge while a perplexed Michael Jordan also walked up the judge. Normally, Judge Thompson would cover the microphone and ask questions of the lawyers in front of her bench. But since the advent of Court TV, well… she needed to keep everything aboveboard or the viewers tended to accuse the judges of covering up the law.

Therefore, she allowed the microphone to listen in the conversation she was having with the two men in front of her.

"What's going on?" she asked the prosecution.

"No idea, your honor," he replied.

They both looked at Charlie who was only too happy to explain. "It's simple, your honor. The charges listed are against one Karen Starr of Midvale, Ohio. However, Karen Starr was strangled by her father two years ago and buried on her parent's farm. She has since been found by SHIELD operatives and properly buried in the city's cemetery. Her father now rots in prison."

"Your client…" Michael started.

"Is not Karen Starr. She never claimed to be. She was found naked and unconscious in the desert, and incarcerated by SHIELD for months without ever being charged. Since she superficially resembled the late Karen Starr, who was _not_ known to be dead at that time, she was given her name and identity. However, once my client wakened from her slumber, she never once stated she was Karen Starr and instead informed all government representatives that she was someone else. It is not my client's fault that those United States government representatives did not believe her and insisted she be someone she wasn't. This trial is useless. The remains of the real Karen Starr were found months ago which was reported to the Justice Department and is the reason her father will die in prison. That Karen Starr is deceased."

"Counselor? Is this true?" the judge asked of the prosecution.

This had caught him off guard and he quickly replied, "I am unsure, your honor."

Charlie again tried to help the cause of justice. "Let me save you some time, Michael. My client is known as Superwoman. Her real name is redacted on all papers to maintain her secret identity. The treason charge months ago listing her name? The name used was Karen Starr. The government issued arrest warrants for someone who was not my client and still forced her off this planet. She will answer a summons using her cape name of Superwoman. The real Karen Starr as identified for this trial remains deceased. Has been for years. If you want me to enter a plea of Not Guilty by reason of being deceased during the time that all incidents listed in the charges as defined by the Justice Department took place, I will do it, but you both will be vilified in the press for bringing charges against a young girl who was deceased and upsetting the remaining family as well as her community by the Justice Department's _massive_ incompetence."

"How quickly can you confirm this, counselor?" Judge Thompson asked attorney Michael Jordan.

"Uh, I'm not…"

Charlie smiled and again helped them out as he knew it would stick in their justice-laced throats like a cancer that he had all this information and they didn't. "Call SHIELD NY. Ask for Lester Trewski in forensics. He oversaw the autopsy of Karen Starr. He knows the agents involved in the case. It is now 9:06am. He should be in his office. He will be able to confirm what I have just said. Do you need the phone number? I have it in my bag if you want it."

Judge Thompson was livid. "Counselor, get this cleaned up by 10 am or else. Understood?"

"Yes, your honor."

 **-o0o-**

Meanwhile, Captain America (aka: Steve Rogers) smiled at the actions of the defense attorney. He could tell that Mr. Daniels was someone to not cross lightly.

"Whoa," the Wasp (aka: Janet van Dyne) said with a smirk, standing behind Simon as she too watched the court proceedings.

"What?" Simon replied.

"Oh, I hope that prosecutor is okay."

"What do you mean?" Steve said.

"Someone just got burned," she replied.

"I have to agree," Simon said. "We should call him Toast."

"To Toast!" Peter offered a drink salute with his bottle of soda.

 **-o0o-**

Meanwhile, the plea motion was recessed until 10am whereupon the two counselors and judge met again and a few minutes later the judge dismissed the case against Karen Starr as she was deceased at the time of all accusations.

"We are going to re-file against your client, Superwoman," Michael advised Charlie as the two left the courtroom. Michael was on his way to the media presence outside the building where he would tell them the same thing he just told Charlie.

"I would expect nothing less, Michael. Have it sent to my office, please. As long as you identify her as Superwoman, we will acknowledge and she will be here to enter her plea."

"Expect the paperwork by the end of the day."

"Again, Michael, I would expect nothing less. And we are still ready for the trial. Open and shut, Michael, open and shut."

"Your client is going to jail, Charlie. I've seen the evidence. It doesn't look good for her."

Charlie smiled and replied, "I think someone will go to jail, Michael. However, I do not think it will be my client. Do me a favor and let's expedite the day and time of the arraignment, and pre-trial. We would like to get this behind us as quickly as possible."

 **-o0o-**

Meanwhile, several days later they were back in same courtroom in front of the same judge. Superwoman stood next to Charlie as the judge spoke. Superwoman was a very tall woman who looked as strong as she was. Charlie was about a foot shorter than her, several decades older, and had a pot belly. He still had all his hair however, even if it was salt and pepper colored these days.

"How does your client plea?" Judge Thompson asked for the record.

"Not guilty," Charlie answered.

"Noted. Preliminary Trial set for tomorrow at 9am. Superwoman will not be held at this time per Article 6 of the Superhuman Trial Act. Should she fail to show for trial, she must have documented proof her absence was justified per Article 7 of the Superhuman Trial Act. Failure to do so will result in a warrant for her arrest. Do you understand?"

"We do, your honor," Charlie answered.

The next day the lawyers were back in courtroom 10 for the preliminary trial.

"Where's your client this time?" Michael Jordan inquired of his legal opponent.

Charlie smiled and took out his pen, leaving the other two items in his case, and said, "Saving the world. The governors of Minnesota, Wisconsin, and Michigan should have called in an excuse to the Judge by now."

 **-o0o-**

Meanwhile Simon, Janet and Steve sat on the couch watching the trial. Peter sat on the wall, Hank hung upside down from the ceiling, Tony sat in a plush chair next to the couch, and Thor had pulled up a stool and sat behind the couch.

Simon passed a few bottles of alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages around to those wanting one (Tony didn't since everything Simon had was domestic and he had standards after all).

Peter brought popcorn which he threw at Hank's mouth with very good accuracy.

Hearing all the noise from the common room, a skinny scientist quietly entered and kept to the shadows in the back to see what all the fuss was about.

Unknown to all other than Hank (as he could smell more than the average person), Peter had also brought some un-buttered toast for some odd reason.

 **-o0o-**

Meanwhile, the commentator again moved out of the shot of the courtroom and Simon unmuted the sound.

"All rise!" the Bailiff commanded as Judge Thompson entered, sat and directed everyone else to sit.

"Counselor," Judge Thompson began towards the Defense. "My office received a call a few minutes ago. Your client's absence here today is justified. If she is not here again tomorrow, another justification will be needed."

"Understood, your honor," Charlie acknowledged.

"Counselors. Please begin."

As the burden of proof fell to the prosecution, Michael Jordan began laying out his case. Charlie could tell that Michael was using the limited time they were given in the pre-trial as practice for the full trial. Charlie noticed the government's case was pretty aggressive and comprehensive. Michael brought out poster-sized cropped photos of what he wanted to show Superwoman doing, and that what she was doing was illegal and therefore should be locked up.

In short, Charlie listened to his counterpart sing the praises of the good guys, and besmirch Superwoman at every turn. Pictures were shown of every encounter as he had expected, and witnesses were brought in which he never once thought to cross-examine. In just two and a half of the three hours the Prosecution had been given to run their pre-trial, Michael had laid out an overview of what the larger trial would encompass in his bid to see Superwoman go to prison for:

Assault of Federal officers (which consisted of SHIELD agents, and the Avengers) during her escape from a New York City courtroom.

Assault of Federal officers (which consisted of SHIELD agents, and the Avengers) during a confrontation in New York City.

Assault of Federal officers (which consisted the Avengers) during pursuit in the California countryside.

Assault of Federal officers (which consisted of SHIELD agents, and the Avengers) during a battle at a California airport.

Murder of Federal officers (which consisted of unnamed persons but that Charlie knew were Bullseye, Venom, and Radioactive Man) at same battle in California airport.

Assault of Federal officers (which consisted of SHIELD agents, and CA National Guard personnel) during escape from San Francisco.

Assault of Federal officers (which consisted of SHIELD agents, and the Avengers) during a battle at a California seaside home.

Theft of Federal property (which consisted of a SHIELD vehicle) during same battle at a California seaside home.

Destruction of US property (which included two California National Guard helicopters, a San Francisco parking garage, an airplane, and the aforementioned California seaside home that belonged to the Avengers) during her unlawful escapes from justice.

It was easy for Charlie to see that the prosecution had spent a lot of time and effort to set the stage for Superwoman to be pasted all over the press as a villain. That she may be a hero now, but at one time was a villain. A supervillain that killed, maimed, and ignored the laws of the land. There were poster-sized pictures in bright, vibrant color of Superwoman beating the snot out of Ms. Marvel, breaking She-Hulk's arm on the beach in California, throwing SHIELD agents off her, and ripping the armor off Iron Man who she had beaten to the ground in New York. Charlie enjoyed seeing each of the full-color pictures Michael and his team put up on easels for the press in the court to see. Charlie liked looking at all the scenes and had the same thought with each new poster shown. That thought was: Damn, she is so smoking hot!

In the American judicial process, the preliminary trial (or pre-trial) is a shortened trial by the defense and prosecution in front of a judge with no jurors. Its main intent was to ensure the prosecution had probable cause and that a longer trial was warranted. Generally, the prosecution would bring forth witnesses, evidence, timelines, and anything else they could think of to win the case. For the defense, it was an opportunity to have charges dismissed, reduced, and analyzed before going to trial.

Charlie had been in the law game for a long time and knew this trial wasn't so much to define his client as a criminal as much as it was to show the world she was a loose cannon that needed to be under the direct control of the US Military, specifically, one General Thunderbolt Ross. If she was found not guilty during the regular trial, which even his staff thought was a high percentage probability, she would still lose in the minds of some American people. Not all of them. Maybe not even most of them. But she would in the minds of those that had money and wanted her locked up, or out of the way for whatever reason.

But Charlie had a plan. He always had a plan. And his plan was to win this pre-trial within the couple hours they had allotted for this day, as pre-trials rarely lasted more than two to three hours. In this instance, both the Defense and the Prosecution had been given three hours each to show their pre-trial hand. Therefore, Charlie did not object to any of the witnesses, evidence, or timelines the prosecution presented, nor cross-examined any of them. If he didn't win in the pre-trial, there would be enough time to rip them apart later. Roughly two hours and 27 minutes later, the prosecution finished, and Charlie was allowed time to present any motions or evidence of their own.

 **-o0o-**

Meanwhile, Peter put the empty can of soda in the empty popcorn bowl, let out a belch, and said, "Hey Tony. Where'd the prosecution get all those pictures?"

"Public cameras where they were available," Tony replied. "SHIELD body cams where they weren't."

"Who were the ones Alex was said to have killed?" Peter wondered, not having been read into the specifics from months earlier.

"Bullseye, Venom, and Radioactive Man," Tony replied without a hint of remorse.

"Those killers?" Janet said for all of them.

"Yes," Tony responded with a nod.

"They should be giving her a medal for getting rid of those three," Janet said, not knowing Peter was about to say the same thing.

 **-o0o-**

Meanwhile Charlie stood and said, "Your honor, there are always two sides of any story. This is a classic he-said, she-said. My client claims innocence. The prosecution claims guilt. He has a good case. Even I can see that. However, there is more than simple he-said, she-said going on here. There are different angles to view. For example: a woman walks by a scruffy-looking man with a mean expression. The man is leaning against a building and wears a dark hoodie and scruffy jeans. She walks by, her purse under her arm, and her phone up to her ear. She reaches the corner and he is seen running to her and pulling that purse. At this point, you would think the man a thief; that he is trying to steal her purse. However, if you change the angle slightly, you find that the reason he pulled the purse, and by extension her entire body, was to pull her back a few feet from the oncoming truck that she did not see coming. So now you know he is a hero.

"That is what is going on with this trial. My client is a hero who has wrongly been victimized not once, not twice, but many times over by the United States government simply for the fact that she has superpowers. My client was in compliance with all laws when she was taken to a kangaroo court and told she was going to be placed in prison simply for existing. Yes, she escaped from that kangaroo court and trumped up charge and was declared a fugitive. Superwoman, who was under a different superhero name at the time, does not dispute the fact that she was there at each one of these altercations. She does not refute the fact that she was involved with each of these altercations. That does not make her a criminal. Instead, it makes her more heroic than ever especially when it was not the rule of law that she was accused of breaking and therefore required her arrest. Instead it was the criminal and illegal motivation of greed that created all charges by the US government itself and drove US agents, both super-powered and non to act against her. And I will prove that today in this court of law. I would like to submit this photo as defense exhibit A."

A photo was produced and passed to the judge and the prosecution who did not understand what it was referencing.

Charlie explained, "For the record, this is a photo of President George W. Bush, Vice President Dick Cheney, four-star General Thaddeus Ross, Director Noman Osborn, Director Henry Peter Gyrich, and Secretary of Defense as well as Director of SHIELD Tony Stark in the Oval Office the morning after Superwoman _allegedly_ fought the Avengers on the coast of California and won. The video of that fight was posted on the internet. This was a meeting they had that morning in response to it."

"How do we know this is a photo from that morning?" Michael asked.

Charlie replied, "That is covered in this, exhibit B. This is a DVD recording of that meeting."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! I mean, objection," Michael nearly shouted. "You bugged the Oval Office? That's not admissible in court!"

 **-o0o-**

Meanwhile, Tony sat straight in his chair ash he recognized the camera zoom on the Defense picture. Tony recognized that scene and was nervous for what was going to happen.

"Hey Tony," Peter began. "You know who Alex's lawyer reminds me of? He reminds me of that old cartoon character: Foghorn Leghorn."

"Who?"

"Foghorn Leghorn. You know, the rooster from the old Saturday morning cartoons. 'I say, I say: you're not listening to me, boy,'" Peter attempted in a bad southern impersonation.

 **-o0o-**

Meanwhile, Charlie looked affronted by the prosecution's claim. He said, "I did not bug the Oval Office, sir. No one I know of has now or has ever bugged the Oval Office. This is not an illegal video in any capacity."

"How can you say that? The conversation between the President and his staff is a privileged conversation in a clean room. If you say this is a recording of that conversation, then obviously the room was bugged!"

"Ah, I see the misunderstanding. Counselor, your Honor, this recording was not ascertained by any nefarious electronic means. There were no bugs, or any sort of surveillance equipment used to capture any of the content. Instead, a simple temporal window was opened to the past, and a camcorder recorded everything displayed. This DVD contains about seven minutes of conversation that happened months ago between the leaders of this very country. It directly impacts this hearing."

"Your honor, this is ridiculous. It was a privileged conversation," Michael ascertained, sure of his victory.

"Actually, your honor, as the conversation had already happened in the past, there are no temporal laws in any country on Earth making it illegal to record it. If it happened in the past, it is history. And history is to be studied."

"Who the hell created a temporal window?" attorney Jordan was nearly speechless.

Charlie looked at the ashen faced attorney and calmly replied, "Why, Ptah, of course. The Egyptian God of Travel. We simply called his office and scheduled some time with him. A few offerings later, and here we sit with the proof that the charge is false and motivated by greed at the highest level."

"How do we get in touch with this Ptah?" Michael pressed, needing anything and everything to discredit what he was sure he didn't want to see.

Charlie looked offended and replied, "Really, sir. You do not do my work for me, so I am not doing your work for you."

"Your honor, this is a farce. There is no Egyptian God of Travel. There are no gods that you can call up on speed dial or anything at all," the prosecution stated.

"Is that true, your Honor? That there are _no gods_ walking our lands as Prosecutor Jordan states?"

 **-o0o-**

Meanwhile, Tony began chanting, "Don't answer, don't answer, don't answer!"

 **-o0o-**

Meanwhile, before the judge could answer, Prosecutor Jordan said, "I ask that this so-called evidence be thrown out as there are no Gods or Goddesses or whatever on these lands."

 **-o0o-**

Meanwhile, Tony stopped his chant and put his aching head in his hands. He muttered, "Oh, Christ."

"Tony?" Janet asked of her co-worker.

Tony pointed to the TV and said, "That asshole just gave ammunition to all those people that Thor, Ares, or Hercules have apprehended over the years. Gods not being real means no arrest and therefore, people get out of prison free even if the crime was committed. Reason: they will claim false reporting by the good guys."

 **-o0o-**

Meanwhile, Charlie calmly added, "If I may remind your Honor. SHIELD and the Avengers regularly employ self-professed gods by the names of Hercules, Thor, and Ares. They have powers that normal people like we mortals do not have. If they want to call themselves gods, who are we to say no? That does not mean any of us have to pray to them. Nor does it mean that someone calling themselves Ptah could not open a window to the past for my team to record a conversation."

"Your honor?" Michael inquired at the quiet yet thinking judge.

"I'll allow it," Judge Thompson relented, as what counselor Daniels had said was true: there were no temporal laws on the books. Besides, she knew, if she didn't play it in the courtroom, he'd likely release it online later which would just as likely lead to bad things for all involved. Herself included. She'd known of Charlie Daniels for years before meeting him a decade earlier. He was the Great White Shark of lawyers. He didn't play fair but he played honest. That was his reputation after getting out of law school and opening his own practice. He was an honest and spiritual man, always going to church. But he was vicious and had ended some careers over the years. She hoped her career wasn't in his sights.

 **-o0o-**

Meanwhile, Janet winced and said, "Ouch. He got burned again."

"Keep in there, Toast!" Simon saluted the prosecutor with a nod from his bottle o' beer (Pabst).

Oddly enough, Peter stood up and threw a couple pieces of dry toast at the TV, all of which hit the screen.

The rest of the Avengers looked at Peter with a questioning look, but it was Simon that asked, "Peter? Did you just throw toast at the TV?"

"Um… yeah," Peter acknowledged.

"May we know why?" Simon prompted.

"It, uh, seemed like the right thing to do," he said.

"Okay!" Simon grinned. "More toast for Toast!"

 **-o0o-**

Meanwhile, a Stark TECH 3D Holographic Imager vers. 3.12 (yours for the low price of only $27,649 - plus tax) was brought into the courtroom. An image showing the same exact pose of the men in exhibit A displayed above the Imager and then the video began from there.

 _Note: The following excerpt from Chapter 17 of Origin Story by Worldmaker_

 _"So," President Bush began. "Anybody read the paper this morning? Maybe check up on Time Magazine, or Newsweek?" He stared at the newspaper laid out on his desk. "Absolutely fascinatin' headline here in the Washington Journal. It says, 'SHIELD and Avengers on Hunt for Teenage Girl.' Then, when you get into the story, it talks all about how this girl was held in a cell without cause for six months. It says that after she registered and got all legal-like, got herself all in compliance with the law, the gubbment – that's us, fellas – decided that she couldn't just be let go free after all. And lastly, it says that since she was scairt of goin' to prison for the rest of her life, she ran and we chased her."_

 _He stared at the four of them. "Damnedest story I ever read. I don't think I've read any story quite like that before. How 'bout you, Dick? You ever read a story like that before?"_

 _"No." The Vice President was almost shaking in anger. "No, I've never read a story like that one before, Mister President."_

 _"Yeah, me neither." Bush pursed his lips and shook his head. "Condy tells me that there's this video on the internet. Shows the Avengers getting' their fucking heads handed to them by a teenage girl. A girl, I might remind you, that SHIELD's been hunting for better on a month now. A girl that at least one of you have said would be easy to take down."_

 _"Okay, so nobody wants to read the paper. Well, that's okay. We're goin' to talk about this story anyway. We're goin' to talk about it all day if we have to." The president swept the newspaper back into his desk drawer. "But come sundown, there's two things'll be true that ain't true right now. Number one is, I'm gonna know who it was told the press about what was goin' on with this girl. And number two, I'm gonna have somebody's ass in my briefcase!"_

 _"So. Which one of you fellas wants to go first?" Bush looked from one to the other, awaiting an explanation. No one said anything. "Anyone?" The president waiting in silent for a moment. "All right, that's fine. Dick, why don't you go get a few Federal Marshalls. We'll go ahead and start…"_

 _"We had a leak, Mr. President," Henry Gyrich began. "We're currently looking into who had…"_

 _"A LEAK!?" Bush stood abruptly. "You call what's goin' on here a leak? Boy, let me tell you, the last time there was a leak like this, Noah built his-self a boat!" The man was red-faced, obviously outraged._

 _"As I was about to say, Mr. President, we're in the middle of investigating everyone who had access to this information, from the agent who recorded the footage to the clerks who handle the files. They're all going under the microscope."_

 _Vice-President Cheney snarled, "That'll plug the leak. What are we going to do about the PR aspect of this problem? The general public might be only slightly smarter than a pack of trained monkeys, but they love a sob story. And a blonde-haired, blue-eyed teenager being hounded by the government who want to kidnap her for some nefarious purpose? That's going to tug on the heartstrings of every mother in America. The fact that she's got tits like a missile's nosecone is going to appeal to all the men."_

 _"Sir, you might want to tone that down. She's only seventeen," Tony Stark grimaced._

 _Cheney glared at him. "I've read her file. She's a runaway lesbian powerhouse with a Playboy centerfold body and who can apparently lift aircraft carriers over her head. Did I miss anything, Stark? Have I forgotten any of the important details?"_

 _"How about the fact that she's only a kid? I think we all lost sight of that. I know I certainly did," Stark said. "Mr. Cheney, I know you don't really give a shit about other people except for how they can be of use to you but pull your head out of your ass for two seconds. This girl is just a kid, and kids lash out when they're scared."_

 _"Scared kid my white ass," General Ross snorted. "Scared kids don't cause millions of dollars of damage."_

 _"She's a scared kid!" Stark nearly screamed._

 _"No, Mr. Secretary, she isn't," Henry Peter Gyrich cleared his throat. "She isn't Karen Starr, either, remember? She's something else. We know Karen Starr was murdered by her father, remember? He's still awaiting trial in Ohio. The truth is we don't even know she's human. We can't analyze her DNA, remember?"_

 _"Oh, for crying out loud. Really? That's your defense for hounding a child? That she's not human?" Stark's eyes went wide._

 _Gyrich didn't even blink. "Yes. Exactly. Because she's clearly not a human being, despite what she looks like, my office has classified her as a strategically useful animal. As such, she is the property of the federal government."_

 _"I sincerely hope that the press never hears you say that." Stark was clearly livid. "That's the same reason the Confederacy gave for not doing it when General Patrick Cleburne proposed freeing slaves who volunteered to fight on behalf of the South in the Civil War."_

 _"Now wait just a God damned minute, you…"_

 _"Oh, I'm sorry," Stark interrupted. "Did you not mean to imply that this girl, as well as anyone else out there whose status as Homo sapiens might be in question, was property and not a person?"_

 _"Gentlemen, this isn't helpin' anything," the president said. "What are we gonna do about this mess?"_

 _"Mr. President, I think the only thing we can do is give up pursuit of the girl. The entire operation has been nothing more than a huge waste of time, effort, money, and in three specific cases, lives." Stark sat back down on one of the couches that faced the Resolute Desk. "I am aware, as Henry is about to point out, that the girl has actually committed crimes for which she should be prosecuted. Not only did she kill Benjamin Poindexter, Chen Lu, and MacDonald Gargan, she – "_

 _"Who?" Bush asked._

 _"Excuse me, sir?"_

 _"Who's this Poindexter guy? Sounds like a nerd." The president chuckled to himself. "And, uh, the other two."_

 _"Bullseye's real name was Benjamin Poindexter, Mr. President. The other two would be Venom and the Radioactive Man." Stark took a deep breath and said, "As I was saying, not only is she responsible for three deaths, there's also the burglary charge – "_

 _"Burglary? She broke in someplace?" the president said._

 _"Uh, yes sir. She broke into Macy's and stole some clothing. Plus, there's the destruction of a government jet, damage to a public parking structure, vandalism of a hospital's windows, destruction of property when she threw Wonder Man through a clothing business. Oh, and when she used a pick-up truck as a weapon. Guess we could call it malicious mischief."_

 _Gyrich snorted. "If we're going to kitchen sink the criminal charges, let's add evading pursuit and resisting arrest."_

 _"The girl's been busy." Cheney snorted._

 _"That she has." Stark sighed. "Anyway, I no longer think that it is worth it for the Federal government to pursue the arrest and prosecution of Karen Starr, not because I'm turning a blind eye – "_

 _"Why do you call her that?" Bush asked._

 _Stark stopped. "Um. What's that, Mr. President?"_

 _"Well, I've seen the SHIELD report. Karen Starr is a bag of bones hid in her daddy's soybean field. Why do you call this girl Karen Starr? Makes no sense to me." Bush shook his head. "And what's up with that? She a zombie or somethin?'"_

 _"Well – we're not sure, sir. In my time as an Avenger, I've seen a lot of odd things." Stark shrugged. "Uh, the simplest explanation is that she's a clone of some kind, in which case she's not so much Karen Starr as Karen Starr's daughter. She could – "_

 _"Wait, daughter? What do you mean daughter?" Cheney asked._

 _"Technically, a clone of an individual is the offspring of the individual, despite being genetically identical, Mr. Vice-President," said Gyrich._

 _Cheney shook his head in amazement. "And that's the simplest explanation?"_

 _"Uh, well, yes sir, it is." Stark counted off on his fingers. "Especially when you consider that the alternatives are that she's a robot masquerading as a human, she's an alien from outer space masquerading as a human, she's an alternative Karen Starr who came here from another dimension, she's – "_

 _"Yeah, we get the picture. So, she's a clone, then. How did she get so damned powerful?"_

 _"Genetic manipulation, maybe? Might be some sort of mutation that only triggered after her death that caused her to grow a new super-powered body. We really don't know, Mr. President." Stark shrugged. "Who knows, maybe she's an angel sent back to earth from the afterlife."_

 _"She ain't no angel. Angels don't murder people," stated President Bush._

 _"Your advice is to just let her go about her business, attacking people and destroying things?" Cheney sneered._

 _"Yes, Mr. Vice-President. That is my advice," Stark sat back and fell silent. "The truth is, this girl's criminal behavior has solely and completely been in response to government action. I believe that if we just leave her alone, she'd -"_

 _"Well that's just bullshit. This girl is a weapon. She must be controlled. There's no two ways about it," General Ross interrupted. "Can you imagine what would happen if she decided to go to work for the Iranians? Or the Chinese?"_

 _Gyrich nodded. "I concur. She's too valuable a resource to allow unsupervised, and too much of a danger to us to allow someone else to control her. We must manage this girl. There is no other alternative."_

The Imager froze in place as the video stopped at that point. The courtroom was quiet as what had been shown was digested by everyone there. Did that really just happen, was the common thought.

Charlie stepped away from the Imager and addressed both the Judge and the Prosecution, along with the grinning news media and the utterly horrified government reps who watched something they never thought would be party to and were very likely going to change their party affiliation by the end of the day.

"The facts are clear," Charlie began. "Superwoman registered with the government and identified her powers as required by law. She was in compliance. At a hearing where she was supposed to be released since she was now registered, she was instead ordered sent to prison for no better reason other than existing. She had broken no laws. She escaped. She fought the Avengers more than once, none of those times initiating the conflict. She was attacked by government agents over and over. Did she kill any of the SHIELD agents who attacked her? No. Did she kill any of the Avengers who attacked her? No. Did she kill any of the military personnel who attacked her? No. Did she hurt any of the soldiers that attacked her? No. Did she hurt any of the SHIELD agents that attacked her? No. Did she hurt the Avengers who attacked her? In this case: yes. The reason: she was defending herself from unjust attacks, and they had managed to hurt her as well.

"She allegedly killed three superhumans who were listed as Federal Agents, but at last check this morning, those same three individuals had a Kill-On-Sight order against them from over 37 different countries, including this one. To call those murdering individuals Federal Agents of this country is a mockery to the many other good men and women of this nation. The soldiers, SHIELD agents, and Avengers were all following orders to apprehend Superwoman. They had been doing the job they were ordered to do. There is not a doubt in my mind that this was the case. However, the problem was in the _intent_ of those orders from the ones who issued them. That intent was based on greed.

"I know the prosecution has witnesses by the dozens lined up to give testimonies along with video evidence of each crime my client is alleged to have done. I am sure there are videos showing my client at each encounter, as much as I am also confident these videos will be skewed to show my client in the wrong and those representing the government in the right. Much like my earlier analogy of the scruffy-looking man, who represents Superwoman here in case you missed it. grabbing the woman's purse who represents the United States here, the prosecution would show my client as a criminal. But there is another side.

"As you can see by this one video, she was not a criminal. The President and his chief advisors did not want my client arrested in accordance to the laws of the land. No. Instead they wanted my client because they considered her an _**animal**_ to be _**used**_ , _**abused**_ and _**destroyed**_ as desired. To them, she was no more than a _**runaway slave**_. A _**slave**_ that had power they wanted to use in any way shape they could imagine. Tony Stark was the lone voice of reason in that meeting. He was overruled and additional efforts were made to attack my client. My client who I will remind you had broken no laws.

"Your honor, I ask that all of the entirety of the prosecution's charges against my client be dismissed as Superwoman was entirely justified to engage in self-defense against otherwise criminal behavior orchestrated by the government."

 **-o0o-**

Meanwhile, the Avenger's common room heard the sound of cloth tearing. As one, they looked to the back of the room where another person had been watching the proceedings.

"RRRAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!" bellowed mighty lungs in a mighty green body. "Hulk no like bad prez… bad pres...!

"Bad president?" Peter said helpfully.

"Yeah! Hulk SMASH!"

Transformation complete, the Hulk leaped out of the Avenger's tower window, the others having gotten out of its way.

 **-oo00oo-**

 **Author's comments:**

 **EVIL CLIFFHANGER TIME. BWAH-HAH-HAH!**

Yeah, I had to finally give into that craving to put out an evil cliffhanger. This chapter was too long as is. Fortunately, the next chapter is well underway and contains many more jokes than this one. Should anyone have a joke or scene for a joke in mind, drop me a line. I may use it.

Thanks for reading.


End file.
